Double life isn’t so cool
Hobby
I like edgy experiences just as much as the next person, but feel he’s going too far this time.
This is a man who loves a new hobby and becomes obsessed with projects. He already has a massive train set in the basement (which is why he can’t have his new dungeon down there).
Other people have gnomes and deckchairs in their gardens – we have a sprawling vegetable patch, hot tub and sauna.
This sex room idea is just another in a long line of hobbies and moneymaking schemes.
Over the years we’ve stuffed envelopes, kept bees, made cushions and had paying guests – and that’s on top of me caring for my elderly aunt and having a full-time job.
What worries me is the type of people who might come into our home to use the room.
He insists I have nothing to worry about and that he’ll carefully vet anyone who wants to play with us, but he’s currently acting like an over-excited child.
I know he has credit card debts from a business idea with an old school friend that went badly wrong last year.
I understand that desperate times call for desperate measures but fear he’s asking too much of me now. JANE SAYS: It sounds as if your man is getting carried away with himself. He needs to calm down. Basically this is all about money.
Talk to him about his outstanding debts. How much does he owe and to whom?
Does he need to speak to his card provider or contact The National Debtline for advice and support? Can anything be sold or cashed in to help erase the burden?
Insist he tackles this and stops coming up with crazy schemes that require more investment, when you’re worried about cash flow. If he’s seriously trying your patience with this sex dungeon plan, then he has to understand that your marriage is feeling the strain.
Sit down with him and go through all of his paperwork.
Tell him you get it that he’s trying to come up with a way to make money, but why would you want strangers having sex in your home?
He’s not experienced in dealing with hard core folk and everything could get horribly out of hand.
Stand up to him and tell him you admire his pluck, but this is a non-starter. MY lovely girlfriend has no idea that I’m married to a woman in another town.
Every so often I go “away for work”.
I stay at my wife’s place where we go out shopping, make love and act like a normal couple.
She never questions my movements and I never volunteer any information. Then I go back to my girl with (made-up) tales of conferences and factory tours.
Luckily I’ve got a vivid imagination and a good memory, but I don’t know how much longer I can go on like this. Why am I such a weasel?
JANE SAYS: You’re playing a dangerous game and I can’t imagine you’re going to get away with this for much longer.
It already sounds as if your nerve is deserting you. How are you being fair on either woman?
What about their self-respect and sexual health? You are a liar and cheat.
I suggest you set your girlfriend free, before returning to your wife with the full story.
From there, only you can decide if the marriage has a chance or you need to divorce and leave.
Doing nothing is no longer an option.