He plunders our cash after a row BLOKE IS CHILDISH & PETTY
MY partner can be very petty. If I dare to annoy him, he deliberately overspends to wind me up.
He is a man with many hobbies and collections. From books and vinyl to train sets and motorbikes, he has always got his eye on something new.
Any time we have a row he goes out and plunders the joint account. Then it’s left up to me to balance the books again from our dwindling savings or by working weekend overtime.
My dad had an operation last month. My man said he couldn’t come here to recuperate because they don’t get along. But dad was very weak and, as he lives alone, I didn’t feel I could abandon him.
Angry
My fella hit the roof and punished me by paying £500 for a new turntable. I complained, so he went to a car boot sale and came back with armfuls of LPs.
I know that his real problem is he’s still angry with me for cheating on him with a colleague in 2010. But how long must I keep on paying for my mistake?
I’ve said I’m sorry until I’m blue in the face. I’ve explained I only did it because he was neglecting me and being horrible to my son, who is now 18 and living with his real dad. I have to conclude my bloke is just very childish. When we first got together his sister warned me he was a spoilt mummy’s boy.
Apparently his late mother doted on him and he’s been looking for a replacement since.
We haven’t had sex in years because he makes my flesh creep and I often find myself wondering why we’re still together. Would I be better off on my own?
JANE SAYS: Going it alone would be tough. There’s no denying the financial, emotional and even physical trauma involved in a split.
But if this relationship has slipped into a modern-day farce, then where is the quality of life or the love?
You openly describe your partner as petty and immature. He thinks that overspending is somehow clever but, as you’re the one who balances the books, his small “victories” are hollow.
You and he have to sit down and go through this together. Ensure you have all of your bank and credit card statements and bills to hand. Show him everything.
Leave him in no doubt regarding your financial position. Explain what comes in and what goes out and insist that he starts taking responsibility for his spending.
If his problem is that he simply can’t stop spending, because he has an obsessive compulsion to do so, then he must be encouraged to speak to her GP for help.
Do you love him enough to stick together or has he become another bad habit that needs to be broken?
If he can’t get over your affair and you’re still clear about why you started it in the first place, then I really can’t see you making each other happy in the long term. I’VE been sneaking down to a disused office for sex with a co-worker.
I didn’t think anyone knew about us but now I’ve been warned he’s been boasting about it and there is CCTV footage colleagues have accessed. I’m mortified.
A couple of days ago I tried to finish it but he hinted at blackmailing me if I stopped seeing him.
His marriage is over but mine is still OK and I would hate my husband to find out. How have I been such an idiot?
JANE SAYS: If your lover is bragging and there is CCTV evidence, you have to tell your husband the truth today.
Apologise, admit you’ve been a fool and beg him for forgiveness.
Whether he throws you out or gives you another chance is something you’ll have to deal with.
But ultimately nothing gives your lover the right to blackmail you.
He has to be told that you will go to the police if he threatens you again.
Your life is now clearly at a crossroads. Why did you feel tempted to cheat and what lessons can you learn from this?