Why won’t he tell me home truths?
HOUSE SEARCH IS HELL
MY partner refuses to buy a house with me.
I’m desperate to put down roots and create a home but every property we view is wrong.
According to him, I’ve yet to come up with the perfect place. I keep telling him that nowhere is perfect, but he refuses to budge.
His list of must-have requirements is as long as my arm. From off-street parking for three vehicles to a south-facing garden and an immaculate interior, I feel he’s finding any excuse to thwart me.
At the moment, I’ve got a bril- liant place in my sights. It’s on at a great price and has almost everything he demands but I can tell he’s desperately searching for a reason not to buy it.
Pathetic
The other night he said he didn’t like the look of the next door neighbour and felt we might hear noise from the motorway two miles to the north.
Is he looking for a way out? Is this his pathetic way of dumping me? I feel as though I’m banging my head against a brick wall.
I’m not a greedy person. I just want a nice home where I can finally feel like a grown up. I’m sick of living with my parents, although he’s happy staying with his adoring mum and dad.
Recently, he got drunk at
aparty and admitted he wanted to sleep with other women and go to orgies before settling down. I asked if he’d rather be single than move in with me and he muttered something about “wanting to be free from these shackles”.
In the morning he denied everything and accused me of putting words into his mouth. Now he says he’s serious about getting a mortgage and it’s my fault I haven’t found the right place.
JANE SAYS: Why is it your sole responsibility to find a home? This is the 21st century and you are in this search together. I’m sure if you were to compile your dream home wishlist it would come complete with a swimming pool, riding stables and wine cellar but real life isn’t like that.
We all have to cut our coats according to our cloth.
From what I can make out, you have actually found somewhere that ticks most of his boxes but it’s still not right. He’s still finding excuses not to settle down.
I think you’re probably right. You have to conclude that he really isn’t serious about leaving the comfort of his parents’ home or making any kind of meaningful commitment to you.
If he feels that he still has wild oats to sow with other women, then set him free. Tell him that you can’t go on like this because it’s soul destroying and insulting.
He’s doing you no favours by dashing your hopes and wasting your time.
Know your own worth and end this farce. Walk away. If he’s interested in keeping you, he’ll realise what he’s lost and come running. But if he doesn’t, then you’ll have to conclude that his mind and priorities are elsewhere. I WAS in a hotel bedroom with my lover when I received a message that my girlfriend wasn’t well.
She’s always been a hypochondriac so I turned off my phone and we carried on bonking.
Later, I discovered 50 missed messages. My girl was in hospital after a fall and everyone was going crazy looking for me.
I crept onto the ward where I was faced with a wall of stony faces. Her dad hissed: “Where were you?” and then threatened to deck me on the spot.
Now she’s better. She’s swallowed my story about being stuck in a lift at work, but no-one else is talking to me. This is so awkward.
JANE SAYS: Your girlfriend’s family can clearly see right through you.
They know that you were up to tricks when you should have been rushing to her bedside and now you’re feeling the full force of their wrath.
Are you inclined to tell her the truth to clear the air? You should think about it.
Also, what has gone so wrong in your relationship that spending time in a hotel room with a lover seemed like a sensible idea?