So angry he’s left his missus for me
LOVER’S BECOME BURDEN
HOW do I get married lover?
I didn’t ask him to leave his wife for me, but he did. Now he’s living nearby and has become clingy and demanding.
He wants to know what I’m doing every hour of the day. He resents me seeing my friends and family and thinks I should be cooking his meals and ironing his shirts. Hilarious.
I don’t even iron my own clothes, so the idea of me slaving over his washing is ridiculous.
I know he’s desperate to move in with me, but luckily there’s no room in my flat-share. rid
Lawyer
of my
He’s furious at having to pay rent to his mate and puts pressure on me to sort out his life.
His wife has hit the roof and is threatening to take him to the cleaners. She’s already put their house on the market and is speaking to a divorce lawyer.
She’s cleared out their savings account and is promising to ruin him. He somehow thinks that I should feel sorry for him and be prepared to help, but I have never said I love him.
Yes, we’ve been having fantastic sex for more than six months, but I haven’t given him any indication that I wish to spend the rest of my life in his arms. He’s not my type at all – he’s too selfobsessed and doesn’t earn anywhere near enough money. My salary is already bigger than his. I have big plans and he doesn’t feature in any of them.
Why can’t he understand that what we had was just a bit of fun?
I’m sick of him crying down the phone and telling me I’ve ruined everything. How does that work when he was the one who was married and I am the one who is footloose and fancy-free?
JANE SAYS: You have to be honest and tell him he’s got the wrong end of the stick.
The two of you have been close, but you never intended to commit to him for life.
You didn’t ask him to leave his wife and didn’t expect him to do anything quite so audacious without talking it through with you first.
While you’re sorry he finds himself angry and alone, you can’t be held responsible.
Sadly, you don’t love him and never gave him any encouragement to leave home.
I can’t imagine that’s going to reassure or please him, but it’s got to be said. If you don’t respect the man, then you cannot waste any more of his time. It could be that, if he acts fast, his wife will start talking to him again and they can work out a way forward.
Sadly, you started this affair with no thought for the consequences.
He is the married one and should have known better, but you knew what you were doing as well.
You must never make this mistake again. Hopefully this issue can be resolved mat-urely and swiftly.
But if things do turn nasty or get out of hand, then you need to be prepared to stand your ground and refuse to be controlled or harassed.
MY daughter refuses to help or support me because I don’t have any money.
But she’s all over her in-laws, who have gold-plated pensions and a condo in Florida.
She can’t host enough Sunday dinners for them, but any time I ask for a favour I’m told she’s too tired or busy.
I had two hospital appointments in a week and needed someone with me for the second one.
She ignored my texts so I had to get my neighbour to accompany me. Isn’t that mean?
JANE SAYS: She has to remember that you are her mother and have needs too.
Suggest a coffee and emphasise you love and miss her. If she’s so busy, then can you help out?
Can you rekindle your relationship with shared activities or experiences?
Surely you could be invited to those Sunday dinners too?
Her head may have been turned by her rich relations, but you will never stop being her mum and she may need your support one day.
It would be a terrible shame if she allowed money to come between you.
You ARE allowed to feel miffed.