Sex with stranger put me in turmoil
SHOULD I LEAVE MISSUS?
SEX with a stranger made me realise my marriage is boring and going nowhere.
I wasn’t looking for action when a woman started chatting to me at a taxi rank.
I was out of town on business and frustrated after failing to nail an important deal.
I’d already rung my boss to give him the bad news and he’d ripped my head off. The woman joked that I looked like she felt – she’d just been turned down for her dream job and was feeling pretty grotty too.
We agreed to go for a drink and just clicked. She explained that her flat was cosy and we went back there for “a coffee”.
Eight hours later and we were still bonking. She was so exciting and imaginative – I didn’t want to let her go.
Three days later I pretended to my wife that I needed to visit an important client and whizzed back to my lover for the whole weekend. It was magical.
I simply came alive in her arms. Everything from her body to her touch was sheer perfection and we must have made love 10 times over.
Now I honestly don’t know what to do with my life. My lover and I are texting and FaceTiming all day, and she’s made it clear she’d like me to be with her full time. I’d like that too, but there’s the small matter of my wife and her daughter of 16 from her previous marriage.
They’ve been my family for five years but I don’t think the girl would miss me.
There’s no escaping the fact that my wife is boring and unadventurous between the sheets. She wouldn’t consider half the stuff I enjoy with my lover.
My lover would like me to be with her full-time by Christmas. Dare I take a leap in the dark to enjoy total fulfilment?
JANE SAYS: Firstly I’d ask you to calm down and take stock. I understand your head is in the clouds and your heart is beating 90 to the dozen, but you hardly know your lover.
After a chance encounter you’re talking about giving up your whole life for her.
I understand that you feel invisible and unappreciated at home, but would going off with a stranger really be the answer to your frustrations?
Talk to your wife because she deserves better than this. She might just be as lost and unhappy as you are.
Describe the relationship you’d like and work together on making it a reality. I understand that you feel troubled, but is going off with a total stranger the answer?
Did a previous incident or bad relationship leave your wife with emotional or sexual problems?
Also, does your wife deserve the absolute truth? A divorce is heart-breakingly horrible for everyone.
You say your stepdaughter wouldn’t miss you, but she’s at a very vulnerable age and I bet she would.
Don’t allow your lover to push you into a quick, pre-Christmas, decision.
MY boyfriend loves to boast about his ideas for the future.
He wants to run his own surfing business, swim with dolphins and experience other cultures.
Recently, we were out with mates and it dawned on me that I’m not included in his grand plan.
An old friend asked him if I’d help run his venture and he said: “What? Her? No, she’s useless.” I was gutted and felt so humiliated.
Later, I quizzed him and he reiterated he’s only with me “for the moment”. What the heck does that mean?
JANE SAYS: Exactly what it says – that he doesn’t see you as a long-term prospect.
Sadly, you’ll “do” for now but he won’t be inviting you out into the big, wide world any time soon.
The fact is the cat is now out of the bag and you understand you have no place in his exciting plans.
Cut this tie and start making your own wishlist. Make it clear you have no intention of keeping the home fires burning as you’ve already wasted enough time hanging out with him.
Refuse to be his Plan B and wish him bon voyage.