Daily Star

Let’s welcome the new PM to cloud cuckoo land

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how about a pic of emmerdale actress rebecca sarker, she’s so hot. BIG AL

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been a political analyst lately. Studied background and personalit­y of main contenders, their strengths, weaknesses, budgets, manifestos and by time u read this my dog will b PM, next door’s cat leader of opposition and winner of 4.40 at kelso the speaker. Welcum cuckoos from Land. Lily the pink

Well done ‘John Challenger’ in Star txts: patriotic, articulate, not a swear word in sight, sensible – I’d vote 4 U any day!! ps. Smacks of my hero Churchill, bt don’t mentn that, some snwflake idiot wll only take umbrage!! Lady of the Valleys

On the first day of Christmas my MP promised me, a partshare in a magic money tree. Duffy

Could the next PM give a damn about the north east instead of the usual neglect? anon

So 17.4 m people is now the majority of 65m over brexit , so we know who to blame when we suffer 50yrs of austerity max.

Stevie,m/well

To all the leavers: you think austerity was bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet. NHS sold down the river you will need private healthcare, only the fittest survive. THE PLEB

Whichever of the ‘Dynamic Duo’ is in No.10 today their first job is (should be), ORDER arrogant Rail bosses to keep Guards, thus ending COMMUTER MISERY. Commonsens­er

over 130,000 people never got the chance to vote. They died under tory austerity. Dicko

when I came out of the polling station yesterday a bloke said how did you vote? I said I just put a cross on the paper and put it in the box. tony worksop

those rent-a-slobs who glued themselves 2 bus. Shud just av left them there in the freezing cold. “U glued ureselves, now unglue ureselves, bye”. Bantaman

Greta Thunberg should p*ss off back to Sweden instead of frightenin­g kids all over the world Brainwashe­d little moron. BILKO

Greta Thunberg instead of ur little trips 2 USA and Europe why not pop in 2 China the biggest polluter and tell them how much they annoy u. Asymmetric­al

put a sock in it greta iceberg! Her childish rants and disruptive rebel kids blocking roads and spouting stage managed rhetoric only hilites the concerns that world birth control shud hav been implemente­d decades ago.

Lily the pink

why does everyone keep pandering to the snowflake few chimps are like humans they love dressing up ffs let’s have some laughter in this miserable PC world, butt out peta they are not being harmed.

nanny val

What did Royalty get all those medals for, our poor soldiers received nowhere near that for 2 world wars.

POPEYE

In this modern equal, genderless world, I think “Father Christmas” needs rebranding. I suggest: ‘The Bountiful Winter’s seasonal Holiday Gift purveyor’.

Dave from Canvey

so Elton john demand a tent to shield him when he get of his plastic private jet. Surley this is a security risk. You can’t say no to other divas asking for the same treatment. Fat Edwin long Eaton

heard my great grandpa fought with kitchener, nelson, wellington. yep, word was the irritable old bugar cldnt get on with anybody! momma towel

I take it Banksy doesn’t support comic relief, that’s red nose day for ya. AL

Just found a xmas radio times from 1979, it’s like looking at the sex offenders register. Nogger

Saw Bruce Willis in his latest movie, he plays a Welshman called Dai Hard. Hayden Wigan

Thanks for the pic of SarahJane Mee it made my day.

Bernie, Wigan

The last time I got a rise was when someone spiked me drink with viagra. HARD TIMES

WE want you to star in our Text Maniacs Christmas special. Send your merry messages starting DSTAR XMAS or festive Selfie Service pics to the usual places. The best will feature in our spread on Christmas Eve. if

Our baby Denzil - looking good! Loving his new haircut. Julie

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