Sex is so hot with my cheating fella
SO WHY DOES HE STRAY?
MY partner must have had dozens of affairs during our 10 years together, and yet he always refuses to apologise or explain.
Any time I ask him why he feels the need to spread himself about, he shrugs his shoulders.
When I beg him not to hurt me again he walks out of the room.
I feel as though I’m banging my head against the wall. I love him, but I don’t understand what makes him tick.
How can he go straight from a brilliant night of sex with me into the arms of another?
The weird thing is that the physical side of our relationship has always been fantastic.
Personal
We both have high sex drives and click. When we’re wrapped up in each other’s arms there’s no one to beat us.
Plus, on a good day, we laugh and chat outside the bedroom too. So why are other lovers necessary? What can he possibly get from them that he can’t get from me?
Often he disappears for days or even weeks without a trace. I get a text to say he’s working but I know he’s with someone else.
It would upset me too much to go through his phone or personal papers because seeing proof in black and white would kill me, but I suspect there’s a long-term lover in the next town (who may even have a child) and several others where he used to work.
That’s on top of casual lovers and one-night stands. His mother and sister organise a lot of family meals and parties and I’m sick of making excuses for him.
Recently, the sister held a big dinner he promised to attend.
When he failed to show they all had a go at me for not dragging him along. How I kept my cool I’ll never know.
How can I be held responsible for another human being who is a total loose cannon?
JANE SAYS: Your partner is a man who believes he can do anything he likes in life, no matter how much it hurts or inconveniences others.
Failing to turn up at his sister’s party was the tip of the iceberg. From what I understand, you endure far more humiliations and letdowns on an almost continual basis.
Enough. He has to hear you cannot go on like this. He can’t carry on pretending that his outrageous behaviour doesn’t count or matter.
What makes him so special? Why don’t the normal rules of decency and loyalty apply to him? The fact is that you’re not in an open relationship and you don’t condone what he does.
If he really does have other long-term partners, or even a child, then why should you have to put up with that?
I get it that you and he do have some fun times, but do they make up for the misery in between?
What about your own mental well-being and your selfesteem? Suggest he moves out while you get your life back on track.
He’s got away with having it all for far too long now.
I CAN’T help fearing that my new best friend is a liar.
She came into my life last summer.
She’s a whirlwind, but nothing about her stories adds up.
One minute her ex was a control freak, the next he was the love of her life. Her parents flip from saints to sinners.
At the moment she says she has money worries, health problems and also has a dangerous ex-lover on her tail.
Spending time with her is entertaining, but am I being played?
My partner can’t stand her.
JANE SAYS: Don’t allow her outgoing nature to dazzle you.
If something about her doesn’t seem right, trust your instincts. Don’t lend or give her any money and don’t allow her to steal your time or energy.
I worry that she came into your life fairly recently.
You describe her as your “new best friend”, but you know nothing about her true personality or background.
What are your partner’s concerns?
And if there really is a dangerous ex-boyfriend on the scene, then she needs to be encouraged to speak to the police.