Cope with my job
LOVER’S TURNING BITTER
MY girlfriend is furious that I’m earning more than she is.
She was supposed to be the smart one; the one who got the first-class degree and was the head girl of her swanky school.
Yet here I am earning the big bucks and rising up the greasy pole faster than she is.
This year alone, I’ve had one promotion and bagged a decent commission. My bosses have big plans and I may even be sent out to Los Angeles for two years.
Nasty
Meanwhile, she’s flatlining and is as jealous as heck.
She’s taking her frustrations out on me and getting quite nasty and personal with it.
I keep being told I’m a “lucky, talentless creep” and that I must be giving my male boss sexual favours in return for easy contracts. Every restaurant and bar bill is flung in my face with the words: “You can pay that”.
We both started out in the same industry but I began to realise that the old firm was going down the pan, so I jumped ship.
I took a chance with a new start-up. I admit that things were pretty hairy for a while, but now we’re up and flying.
The money is rolling in and I’m being well rewarded. Recently, during a meal out with friends, she got drunk and started spitting that I’m “too good for everyone now”.
She was snarling, hissing and out of order. Our friends fled in horror. Back at home she instigated angry, resentful sex, which was joyless.
She’s become so bitter that I’m struggling to respect her.
I never had a problem when she was doing better than me, so why the histrionics now? Can I continue to live with someone who is so eaten up with envy?
JANE SAYS: Your immature girlfriend needs to be reminded that life rarely follows a straight line. We all experience ups and downs.
It just so happens, through hard work and cleverness, that your time is now.
Perhaps if she feels stuck in a rut, then she needs to take a leap of faith and be more proactive too?
She can hardly condemn you for enjoying success no matter how jealous she is.
I suggest you sit her down and explain that you’re not interested in any more public meltdowns or private fights.
That night out with your friends was embarrassing and the angry sex that followed was no fun either.
Is she prepared to accept she behaved badly? Make it clear you are only prepared to take so much and refuse to spend time underplaying your achievements.
If she has it in her mind that you’re something of a pushover, then disabuse her of that notion. I get it that she might be frustrated, but her future is in her hands.
Is she interested in supporting you or is this where you and she part?
She needs to grow up and join the adult world.
MY cousin announced her pregnancy on the morning of my engagement party.
She put a gushing statement on social media, making the whole day about her.
Of course, a baby is a blessing, but I think she could have waited 24 hours.
Now I’m getting married and I know she is getting engaged herself.
I’ve begged her not to go public until after my big day, but don’t know if I can trust her. We grew up together but there’s no getting away from the fact she always has to be the centre of attention. What can I say if she trumps me again?
JANE SAYS: Your cousin has form so you have to assume she’s got it into her mind to overshadow your day.
Could a relative ask her to see reason? Does she actually have to be invited at all?
The reality is that she’s your cousin, but you don’t have to live the rest of your life in her company.
If she does overshadow you, then you’ll have to conclude you can never be close again.
Your wedding is the start of a new beginning and she can be left behind.