Money rows have torn family apart BROTHER IS IN £15k BET DEBT
I NEVER thought money would end up destroying our whole family.
But now my sisters are not talking to my brother, my parents are arguing and I find myself in the middle of a feuding mob.
My wife and in-laws are also involved and I can’t see how we’re going to be reconciled.
The problems started when my dad secretly lent my brother £15,000 without consulting our mum. My brother was gambling heavily behind his own wife’s back and owed money to some seriously dangerous people.
I accept our dad thought he was doing a good thing, but he should have been open and honest. Several months later my youngest sister announced she was getting married, but there was no cash left for her wedding.
Crazy
Our mum went to the bank and found all the savings were gone. She went crazy and everything has snowballed from there.
My dad is a proud, stubborn man who has never apologised for anything in his life. He refuses to justify his actions and this hurt my mum and my sisters.
My brother isn’t even grateful. He now owes more money to other people and keeps leaning on me to bail him out. The other day he cornered me in the street and said it will be my fault if his life collapses.
My wife would be devastated if she knew he texts me 10 times a day begging for cash.
I feel sorry for my hopeless brother, but how is any of this my fault or business?
JANE SAYS: Your needs expert help.
If he’s still gambling and has serious debts, then he has to be encouraged to check out gamcare.org.uk for support.
If he’s being pursued and feels he’s in danger, the
brother police have to be alerted. He clearly can’t fix this problem by himself and definitely can’t keep leaning on you to bail him out.
Tell your wife everything so there are no more secrets.
If there’s even a suggestion that you might buckle or give in, then maybe she needs to be in charge of your funds for a while?
It must be heartbreaking watching your family tearing themselves apart.
Your father thought he was acting appropriately and trusted his son to do the right thing, but he was let down.
Maybe he doesn’t feel able to apologise, but you all have to accept he’s human and acted out of genuine love and concern. Forgive him.
Organise a family meeting so that everyone can have their say.
Pick a neutral location and think about getting a trusted family friend to adjudicate. You sister has to accept the money has gone.
She will have to plan her wedding with an appropriate budget. You all have to remember that families need each other and that nothing is insurmountable.
MY dad used to be such a normal, respectable man.
Now he’s drinking too much and staying out all night.
My stepmum is constantly in tears and I’m just feeling so sorry for her.
I’m 20 and I’m lucky because I spend a lot of time with my real mum or my boyfriend.
Everyone says that dad is having affairs and taking drugs.
He is clinging onto his job but has had several warnings.
How do I save the man who used to be my hero?
JANE SAYS: Your father might listen to you if you feel strong enough to tackle him, but please don’t ever put yourself in any danger.
It’s devastating watching someone we love destroy themselves. If your father is in the grip of a mid-life crisis, then he may feel that closing himself off is the only way to go.
But drinking too much and taking drugs will only bring more misery.
Encourage him to speak to a medical professional and beg your stepmother to prioritise her own health. Is there someone she could stay with?
Hopefully, in time, this will all pass.