Bloke’s sex snub made me a cheat
ALWAYS AVOIDS ROMPS
I HATE myself for cheating on my partner but feel he’s driven me to it.
He’s not touched me in over a year. Any time I walk naked from the shower into the bedroom he looks away – almost in disgust.
I’ve tried to jump on him, ravish him and coax him to orgasm. I’ve kissed, massaged and gently licked him but nothing works. It’s easier getting a rise out of Tower Bridge.
He and I have been together for three years and while he’s a decent person in everyday life, it’s abundantly clear that he’s no longer interested in me in a sexual way.
I think I look OK. I go to the gym and work out, so it’s frustrating and insulting to be constantly knocked back.
For the past six months I’ve been seeing a guy I used to work with for secret, no-stringsattached sex. He’s married and not interested in an emotional relationship, which suits me fine.
Ours is purely a physical arrangement. We meet up in a cheap hotel, bonk each other’s brains out and then depart.
We don’t even bother with a drink or a chat anymore. Sadly, his wife is disabled and bed bound, but there’s nothing wrong with my guy and that’s what upsets me. Why doesn’t my own, perfectly healthy 32-yearold partner want to make love to me himself? Why isn’t he the one throwing me over the trouser press and making me scream?
I’ve treated my partner to romantic weekends away and saucy nights in sex clubs.
I’ve invested in sex toys, erotic literature and put porn on the telly but he just looks at me as if I’m mad.
It’s as if he’s silently saying: “Why on earth would I want to make love to you?”
Any time I’ve asked him to pleasure me, he’s always insisted that he’s “too tired” or “not in the mood”.
JANE SAYS: If your partner is not interested in you, then who – if anyone – is he interested in? Is he confused about his true sexuality? Is he secretly in love with another woman or man?
It’s imperative that you take this agony out of the bedroom and into the open.
Get to the bottom of what he’s thinking and feeling.
A lot of relationships run out of steam after a while.
It could be that he’s under pressure at work or in debt, but unless he opens up, you can’t begin to establish where you’ve gone wrong or start to fix things. It goes without saying that you have to be open and honest about your lover, because there can be no more secrets.
Explain that you’ve been sneaking around in the shadows and you’re sorry because this is not the way you wish to live your life. Promise to end the affair.
Would couples counselling help? Does he need to see his GP about his health?
Sadly, if you can’t find a way through this, then maybe you’ll have to agree to go your separate ways. You could both flourish apart.
MY tricky friend bought a stranger to my wedding.
Apparently she’d had a massive row with her long-term boyfriend the night before my big day.
She went out clubbing, met a bloke and dragged him along instead. He was still drunk and wearing a tracksuit.
My wedding was a small, but expensive “do”. My parents paid out £100 a head.
There were lots of people I could have invited from work, but I got Wayne Slob instead. He got outrageously drunk and tried to fight my uncle. I’m still fuming.
My friend’s excuse is that she didn’t want to be responsible for an empty seat.
JANE SAYS: You describe your friend as tricky.
Do you think she deliberately stirred things up in order to cause trouble?
Inviting a complete stranger to your intimate wedding was very badly judged and inappropriate.
What was she thinking? You need to tell her that you feel angry and let down. Is she actually sorry? If she’s not, then I don’t see how you can stay friends.