Badgers moved the goalposts
DOMINIC Cummings has been mocked after insisting he drove to Barnard Castle during his lockdown trip to “test his eyesight”.
The under-fire adviser claimed coronavirus had affected his vision and 1 he wanted to ensure he could make the journey home to London.
But he’s not the only person to come up with an unusual explanation. Here NADINE LINGE reveals the top 20 bizarre accounts. Bald truth: Married former Lib Dem MP Mark Oaten blamed an affair with a male prostitute on going bald, adding: “It was a sign my youth had ended.” 2 Faulty genes: According to manager Gordon Strachan, Scotland failed to qualify for the 2018 World Cup because Scots are “genetically behind” and produce short people.
3 Hooker help: Cops pulled over Eddie Murphy, far right, to find a transgender prostitute in his car. The comic was “being a good Samaritan” and giving her a lift home. 4 Just desserts: When Paris Hilton, right, was caught with cocainelike white powder under her nose, her spokesman labelled it
“a stray dessert”.
5
Grey area: Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson blamed a grey kit for a 3-1 loss at Southampton in 1996, saying the players couldn’t see each other.
6
Bad reaction: Actor Charlie Sheen said he had an “allergic reaction” to medication after being discovered naked with a porn star. 7 Cam off it: Supposedly an Aston Villa fan, former PM David Cameron blamed “brain fade” when he urged people to support West Ham during a speech. 8 Legless: Boxer Deontay Wilder claimed he lost to Tyson Fury because his ring-walk costume was “too heavy”. 9 Jacket in: East 17’s Brian Harvey said he injured himself in a car crash after eating too many jacket potatoes. 10 Blooming hell: Ukip’s Godfrey Bloom denied being racist when he blasted foreign aid being sent to “Bongo Bongo Land”, (falsely) explaining: “A bongo is a white antelope.”
11 Tweet dreams: Comic Roseanne Barr said she compared an Africanamerican ex-white House adviser to an ape after taking sleeping pills. 12 Bounce out: Newcastle manager Kenny Dalglish put a shock 1998 draw against Stevenage down to the balls being “too bouncy”. 13
Acting up: Winona Ryder was nicked for shoplifting – but said it was preparation for a new acting part. 14
U what? When Ukraine got beaten by Spain at the 2006 World Cup, they said their poor play was down to frogs croaking outside their hotel.
15
Own goal: Asked why badger cull targets had failed to be met, the then Environment Secretary Owen Paterson replied: “The badgers moved the goalposts.”
16 Wrong trousers: Cops found cocaine in Lindsay Lohan’s pockets but she insisted she was wearing someone else’s trousers and it didn’t belong to her. 17 Taxing time: Rapper Method Man said he failed to pay taxes “because I got high”.
18 Eyes down: Harry Redknapp’s son Mark was caught drug-driving after his “droopy” eyes were spotted by cops. He blamed his peepers on a “genetic condition”. 19 Fell flat: Labour politician Keith Vaz was hit by claims he paid two male escorts for sex. He insisted he had just met them to discuss the “interior decoration” of his flat.
20 Klopp out: Liverpool boss Jurgen Klopp has blamed poor results on the wind, the snow, a dry pitch, television and referees.