He sends sex toys to his ex-mistress
HUBBY’S ‘HELP’ IS NOT ON
MY husband’s ex-lover has done well out of us during this lockdown.
As well as grocery deliveries and wine, she has also received flowers and sex toys from him.
When I yell at him for wasting our money on a woman who is my direct rival, he says he refuses to feel guilty.
If anything, he accuses me of being mean and smug because I have so much and she has nothing. I have actually been told that I’m lucky and ought to be ashamed of myself.
I reckon he’s splashed out £2,000 on this woman since the end of March and I’m furious.
And I get really mad when she rings up to say “thank you” for the latest parcel and he’s on the phone to her for an hour.
Necklace
She is his ex-secretary. I first found out about their affair before Christmas. I found a gold necklace in his bedside table.
When I failed to receive it on the 25th I started digging around. It didn’t take me long to discover that they were sleeping together.
Faced with hard evidence (hotel receipts and bank statements) he sang like a canary.
Sadly, his business collapsed in February and he was forced to let her go. He cried like a baby for three days, then declared it was all over and he was mine again.
Now he’s adamant that I have nothing to worry about. He blubs that he couldn’t leave her high and dry – she worked for him for five years and, despite the affair, deserves better than that.
But how come that his “basic humanity” continues to make me feel undervalued. What are they talking about during those long, intimate “thank you” calls?
JANE SAYS: I hardly think his ex-secretary has done well out of lockdown.
From what I understand she is unemployed and on her own. If your husband feels guilty about leaving her high and dry in a professional capacity, it’s understandable.
If she really doesn’t have enough money for food, then it’s right that he sends her food parcels and basics.
Was she actually paid everything she was legally entitled to when she was let go?
Does she need to speak to a solicitor? It’s the sex toys and wine that I struggle with.
The problem is that he and she had a professional and personal relationship – and he needs to start separating the two. It’s good (for you) that the affair appears to be over, but if he still has feelings, then he has to tell you what’s really going on.
This is a weird time for everyone. But he can’t simply use you for comfort and stability while still playing games with her behind your back.
Tell him you’re fine with the food parcels, but everything else has to stop and a simple “thank you” text will suffice.
If he has a problem with that, he can tell you what it is. I fear he’s playing you off against each other and you may have even more problems on the other side.