Time’s now up for my lockdown girl
I CRAVE A BIT OF SPACE
MY girlfriend is a gorgeous person and fantastic lover, but I need her to leave.
We’ve had some wild times in lockdown. We’ve made a sex film, romped in every room and ordered up all sorts of love toys.
One hot night we got very drunk and attempted to have sex on my tiny balcony, but my neighbour came out and threw a bucket of water over us. I’ve never laughed so much in my life. My girlfriend spluttered “I love you” and I said it back too.
Selfish
But now she thinks that we’re a proper couple, destined to live the rest of our lives together, and I don’t want that. I’m a bit of a loner and I like my own space.
I appreciate her helping me with the cooking and cleaning and I couldn’t have repainted this whole place without her, but now I’m done with domestic bliss and having to compromise.
I’m sorry if that makes me sound selfish and ungrateful, but it’s just the way I am. Plus – variety being the spice of life and all that – I’m ready to sleep with new partners just as soon as the rules are relaxed and it’s safe to do so.
It was logical for her to move in here in March. She was unhappy at her parents’ house and I had room to spare after my lodger did a moonlight flit owing me rent. At first she kept thanking me for rescuing her, but now she’s got her feet under my table and thinks she’s here to stay.
I’ve heard her on the phone telling friends “we’re” planning a new sofa and “we’re” looking at holidays. The fact is that “we’re” not planning anything – I’m claiming my life back, but how?
JANE SAYS: If I had the chance to speak to your girlfriend I suspect I’d tell her: “Assume nothing in this life.”
For the past few months, she’s lived and breathed this lockdown with you. From decorating the place to romping for Britain, you’ve shared every emotion, but now the curtain is coming down and she has to go.
She’s going to feel used, disrespected and disposable. I understand you’ve probably never made any promises, but you can hardly blame her for presuming that a lifetime of love, companionship and security was on the cards.
Of course you’re entitled to your own space and freedom, but she’s also entitled to honesty and kindness. I urge you to treat her with kid gloves because she doesn’t deserve anything less. Explain that you never meant this arrangement to be a fulltime one and apologise for building up her hopes.
Be honest about your needs and help her to move on. Could you assist her in finding somewhere new?
Prepare yourself for the fact that she’s going to feel very angry and upset – I think I would be too if I’d just spent weeks decorating someone’s home for free.
When you have a moment, just think about what motivates you and how you treat people. Could you be nicer?