He sleeps all day and watches porn
JUST NO MONEY OR ZEST
I’M sick of my boyfriend lying around the house all day watching porn.
I need him to get up and do something with his life, but he huffs: “What’s the point?”
I’m the first to admit that he’s had a rough time in recent years.
His father died in 2018 and then his ex-business partner gambled away all of the profits from their artisan food outlet.
Things perked up when his uncle got him a job in retail but that collapsed just before lockdown.
Since then he’s been bored rigid. He has no money and relies on me for everything. I love him to pieces and wouldn’t deny him a bean but need him to start meeting me halfway.
Flops
At the moment he’s pretty much nocturnal. He sleeps all day long and then comes to around 4pm.
After a shower and a snack he occasionally takes the dog for a walk but then flops down on the sofa and doesn’t even shower
I try and cheer him up with stories from my family and our friends, but nothing interests him. I beg him not to use his laptop, but porn has now become his crutch.
We no longer sleep in the same bed because I have to get up at 5am for work and I miss his touch. I hate living like this. When we first met he had so much life and so much potential. Today it breaks my heart to see him slumped in front of some mindless bilge.
Our friends are very loyal. They believe that he’ll get through this and bounce back, but what if he doesn’t? What if he never regains his mojo? There really is only so much I can take.
JANE SAYS: Your boyfriend needs help and you have to find a way of supporting him.
Alarm bells should always ring when our loved ones stop showering and care of themselves.
Let him know that he doesn’t have to shoulder this hardship alone; that you and your friends are always there for him.
Would he like to talk? If not to you, then is there someone he’d feel happy confiding in? Get him an urgent appointment with his GP.
He needs to hear that things may seem desperate right now but nothing stays the same forever and there will be better times ahead.
If you feel it’s possible that he didn’t properly mourn the taking loss of his father then encourage him to check out cruse.org.uk.
Could you and he then discuss baby steps? Could he consider a small, new achievement every day?
Could you introduce more structure and challenges into your daily lives?
Addiction to porn is a very real concern so discuss the impact it’s having on his mental health.
Above all reassure him of your love and commitment.
Anyone feeling desperate can call The Samaritans on 116 123.