Misery over girl’s horrible nagging
VICIOUS INSULTS ENDLESS
MY partner never stops picking on me and I feel as though I’m going mad.
I can’t do anything without her commenting or criticising.
She’s a shouter too. If I leave the fridge door open for two seconds, you’d think I’d been out and murdered half the babies in the village.
If I fail to tie up the rubbish bag “properly” or forget to open the bathroom window after a shower I’m blasted at. I’m told that I’m an idiot and a fool. Was I raised by wolves? Was I never taught manners?
Shocked
I call it nagging, she calls it instruction – and we fail to agree on anything.
Last year we went on holiday with friends to Portugal. It was a nightmare. The villa was lovely but my partner carried on her “instructions” over there too.
I couldn’t move without being told off. One night I failed to barbecue the chicken properly and she hit the roof. She was vicious in her condemnation and I could tell the others were shocked.
In the end my mate took me to one side and said: “What’s going on? Why are you allowing her to talk to you like that?”
But what can I do when she always has to have the last word?
The other night we were sitting in the garden lamenting the fact we haven’t been able to get away this year and she muttered: “Do you remember that lovely trip to Portugal? I miss being there.”
I couldn’t believe it. The whole fortnight was a nightmare.
She clearly has no self-awareness or realisation of how awful she can be. What’s to be done?
JANE SAYS: If it’s become normal for your partner to storm around shouting her head off, then you need to point out to her that this is not the way you wish to live.
Presumably she wasn’t always like this? Presumably she was calmer at the beginning of your relationship, so what has changed?
If she feels emboldened because you’re so familiar – and familiarity has bred contempt – then she has to understand that things need to change.
Of course living with another person can be frustrating and annoying.
I don’t image that anyone has had an easy ride in recent times, but you and she are in a grown-up relationship and nothing gives her the right to bully you. I’m sure that there are some things you do “wrong” but don’t tell me that she never puts a foot out of place.
For every open fridge door, I bet there’s an equally annoying half-finished project or selfish action of her own.
The fact is none of us are perfect and ripping your head off really doesn’t help.
Tell her today you need a fresh start. Lay it on the line regarding her behaviour versus your mental limits.
Make it clear that if things don’t change, then you won’t be able to stay because she will have driven you away.