Pals live high life while I’m hurting
JEALOUS OF THEIR SUCCESS
I’M very jealous of friends’ perfect lives.
I have two mates that I’ve been close to since school. Over the years we’ve laughed and cried together.
We’ve attended each other’s wedding and gone on holidays. I’m closer to them than any member of my own family.
But now it feels as though I’m being left behind. The current crisis has hit my husband and I very hard.
We’re struggling to keep our heads above water. If it weren’t for the generosity of my in- laws, I don’t know how we’d be able to pay our bills or buy food.
Yet my mates appear booming.
Exotic
to my be
If anything, they’re making more money than ever. Both work in industries that have flourished. One sells hot tubs and garden furniture while the other works in booze.
Whereas our little café is on it’s knees, they’ve never been busier or more profitable.
The other day I organised a Zoom call and heard that both have exotic holidays planned. One is going to the Maldives, while the other is headed for the Seychelles. How is this fair?
I love them both, but if I didn’t
know better I’d think they were flaunting their good fortune. I’ve never been a jealous person, but it feels as though we’re staring into the abyss and I’m not getting the impression my friends even care – and that hurts.
Do I need to give them a rocket? I’d never dream of asking for a loan or a favour, but you’d think they’d offer – even if it just meant dropping by and buying their lunches and coffees from us every day. I’m worried that if I start a row, there will be fireworks.
JANE SAYS: It’s vital you stop worrying about other people.
It may seem as though
your old friends are flourishing, but you have no way of knowing what goes on behind their closed doors. They could be up this week and down the next.
I agree it seems insensitive of them to flout their success and wealth. Should you say something? Could you ask them to tone things down while you attempt to get back on your feet again?
It would be nice if they could see their way to buying their lunches and coffees from you, but you can’t expect that. You can’t presume to exert any kind of pressure
either, because that would make things awkward. If you are finding their calls upsetting, maybe you need to take a break for a while.
Explain that you’re opting out because you need to concentrate on your business and your marriage.
Promise to pick up again in the new year. If they still think it’s appropriate to force their good fortune down your throat, it could be you decide you’ve outgrown them.
Feeling jealous or resentful isn’t good for your mental health. Conserve your energy for more important matters.