‘ Dirty house’ jibe by sniffy in- laws REFUSE TO STAY WITH US
I’VE been warned that my in- laws think our house is dirty – and I’m furious.
I’ve been married to their son for 10 years. We have two sons together, who they adore.
Yet it’s always puzzled me why they’ve never spent one night under our roof. We have a decentsized home with a spare bedroom. Yet, on the rare times they’ve come to visit they’ve only ever stayed a couple of hours before returning to a hotel room.
My mother- in- law has always said she doesn’t want to get in the way and needs her own bathroom. But my spiteful sister- inlaw has just revealed that’s simply not true.
Chaotic
During a terrible row with her about Christmas she said the real reason no- one on that side of the family stays for long is that my home is considered “chaotic, cluttered and – yes – filthy”.
How dare any of them be so cruel and judgemental? My husband says his mum has never complained to him about a mess but, suddenly, the scales have fallen from my eyes.
Now I understand why my mother- in- law has insisted on hosting every Christmas, Easter and birthday party in her own home. And why the offer of my
old sofa bed was turned down flat when her sister was moving over from Canada.
They all obviously think I’m rank and that breaks my heart. Admittedly our house can get a little messy at times, but which family – with two small boys in residence – lives in complete order at all times?
This is not a show house, it’s our home and I like it as it is. My husband says I’ve got the wrong end of the stick. He says that his sister has always been a troublemaker and I should learn to ignore her, but why should I if the reality is that they’re all slagging me off behind my back?
JANE SAYS: Don’t jump to conclusions. You have no way of knowing if anyone is talking behind your back.
Don’t allow your sister- inlaw to get the upper hand by creating bad feeling.
This has been a difficult year and it would be awful to fall out now. For all you know, your mother- in- law may have a medical condition which she prefers not to talk about – hence the need for a private bathroom. Equally she could simply prefer her own space, which is not a crime.
Get back on the phone again to your sister- in- law in
an attempt to sort out your differences. Make it clear you refuse to be intimidated because your mother- in- law has always been very kind and generous towards you and, for that, you’re grateful.
As for your husband, I think he could start being more supportive. If his sister is deliberately causing trouble, he should act as a peacemaker.
Also, if the house and kids do sometimes get you down, then he needs to take on his fair share of the childcare and cleaning up. Don’t avoid the truth if your home does need something of a blitz.