Wife has gone off with a lesbian pal
BUT OUR SEX LIFE WAS OK
MY wife has left me for another woman.
She stormed out with a single suitcase on Halloween and says she’ll be back for the rest of her stuff when it is safe to do so. I’m stunned.
I thought we had a happy marriage. I had no idea that she had these feelings.
The woman she’s left me for is someone I introduced her to. She and I used to work together and I took her under my wing when her husband left and her house was repossessed.
Naive
I brought her into our home and helped her to get back on her feet again – and this is how I’m repaid.
To think that they were probably having sex behind my back cuts me to the bone. How could I have been so naive and trusting?
My son tells me they’re hiding out at a mutual friend’s flat but won’t give me the address.
All I know is that my wife is telling friends and relatives that she’s never been happier or felt more appreciated or loved. She’s not actually slagged me off ( as far as I know) but is making it very clear that this split is permanent.
What gets me is that I never even knew she was unhappy. We’ve never discussed splitting
and were having active sex right up to the day before she ran off.
She didn’t even have the decency to come to me and announce her departure to my face. Instead she waited until I’d gone out shopping for my elderly mum before calling a taxi.
How low and cowardly is that after 15 years of marriage? The thought of her making love to another is too much to bear.
JANE SAYS: No- one would blame you for feeling betrayed.
When a colleague found herself in trouble, you were kind enough to take her in
and help her. Now she and your wife have taken off together and you find yourself bewildered and alone.
Unfortunately we’re in the middle of national lockdown so there is nothing you can do until we come out again and are able to see your wife and talk about this situation.
I urge you to stop torturing yourself with thoughts of them together.
Try to keep as busy and active as you can and keep reaching out to family members and friends who are able to support and reassure you.
Prioritise your mental
health and remember that things might seem terrible at the moment but there will be better days in the future.
Avoid the temptation to bombard your estranged wife with messages or calls because it sounds as if you’d benefit from some space.
Remember that your son is in a very difficult place so don’t make life unnecessarily hard for him either.
It’s always hard when we feel we’ve been let down but were there already problems within the marriage?
Maybe you have to be honest with yourself.