We get it off our chest...
Despite no track record whatsoever, you win a large government contract because you once went for a pint with a government minister. Receive £2million from the bank. You are trolled by woke snowflakes on Twitter for daring to say you loved the old TV show It Ain’t Half Hot Mum. Send yourself to Coventry Street and stay there.
Elected Prime Minister. Go straight to Whitehall. Get £80,000 then have to share it, Boris Johnsonstyle, with your enormous family. Go to what you thought was Free Parking, get clamped anyway and miss a turn. (This isn’t 1935 you know.) It is your birthday, but there’s a pandemic on. Go to the Water Works to wash your hands while singing Happy Birthday twice. Collect no cash as everyone’s forgotten who you are.
Get a lucrative contract for appearing on a TV show despite hating publicity. Go directly to King’s Cross.
You are fined £10 for even thinking of entering a beauty contest.
So not politically correct.
Go directly to Old
Kent Road, now known as simply The Road as council chiefs decided the name might potentially sound rude.
Get £200 in furlough payments, but pay it straight back to the bank in income tax.
You go on a reality show despite having no obvious talent. Take a chance card.
Your ISA matures. But because of rubbish interest rates you only receive £1.
Go to jail for speeding, but get a reprieve as you’re a celeb and a clever lawyer has found a legal loophole to get you off.
Binge watch a Netflix series and forget to go to work. Miss a turn. Get £100 for all those haircuts you haven’t been able to have during national lockdown.
Pay £500 for your new football season ticket – and miss a turn because you can’t go to the ground anyway.
Slag off a colleague by accident on a Zoom call and get the sack. Go to any red-faced square. Pay a dentist £100 after not being able to get your gnashers looked at for more than a year.