ALLEZ WAY TO WIN BIG
Back France for Euros
I BOUGHT a sail for my boat online the other day.
It dawned on me that it’s not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it’s too late, that sail has shipped.
I’ve always been late for stuff.
I turned up two hours after I should have done for a cannibal dinner.
The host gave me the cold shoulder. I didn’t get a job as a road sweeper because I missed the early interview after I was up all night practising.
I’d over-swept.
More often than not when I’m late some annoying smart-arse bleats: “The early bird catches the worm.”
Well, my philosophy is: “The late worm doesn’t get eaten to death by the bloody murdering bird.”
Worms get a bad press. I opened a can of them and I was expecting the worst.
But they just sit there, the worms. Hardly the chaos that has been advertised. And they’re often unfairly compared to horrible humans.
Talking of, I was at a beer garden this week and in walked a narcissist, a millionaire, and a dodgy politician.
The waitress said, good evening Mr Cameron.
My daughter asked me why so many politicians are corrupt.
I said, go get me a beer and I’ll tell you. She said: “But mum said you should stop drinking.”
So I replied: “Get yourself an ice cream too while you bring me that beer.”
Off she went and therein lies the lesson.
World football is no stranger to corruption but I hope the Euros will be remembered for the quality of football played.
Make it memorable for your bank account with a bet on FRANCE to win the tournament: Paddy Power – 11-2