Gambling’s made him selfish loser
I’M LEFT PAYING HIS WAY
MY boyfriend once again.
In 2018 we lost our flat and car. He ran up £10,000 on five credit cards and owed cash to everyone from old mates to colleagues.
I had to sell my jewellery just to keep his boss from sacking him. For two years we slept on my sister’s sofa bed.
She generously allowed us to lodge for free while we got back on our feet again. is gambling
Wept
The day we got the keys to our current rental I wept tears of pure relief. He looked me in the eyes and said “sorry” for the first time. He then swore that he would never let me down again.
Well, I’ve just caught him betting on his phone and he’s admitted to being £2,000 overdrawn. I could weep.
We worked so hard to dig ourselves out of our last hole and now we’re right back to square one.
He’s admitted he won’t be able to pay his rent and everything is down to me from now on. What hurts is that he isn’t even apologising this time.
If anything he’s being defensive and stroppy as if none of this is his fault. During one of our arguments he even said: “Love me, love my addiction.” But he
wasn’t even interested in gambling when we first met. Now, suddenly, he’s embracing betting sites like a man possessed.
What also upsets me is secrecy and the lying.
I know he’s using his phone and laptop to place his bets, but I couldn’t tell you what it is that’s ringing his bells. the
JANE SAYS: I suspect your boyfriend is experiencing an avalanche of emotions right now – from shame and embarrassment to confusion and self-loathing.
He is in the grip of a terrible addiction. There’s no way he
wants to bet. I confidently predict he feels sick to the pit of his stomach each time he throws away another wedge of money.
He needs professional help. He must be encouraged to check out gamcare.org.uk for advice and information.
Insist that you research his problem together so a way forward can be found. There is no shame in him facing up to the truth.
You now have to decide if you’re prepared to continue this journey with him.
Over the years you’ve lost a lot in terms of cash, material
goods and respect for him. Is it really your job to pay every bill when all you’ve ever done is try to help him?
What about your own mental health and bank balance?
OK, he’s defensive and feels humiliated.
But has he ever considered the pressure he’s heaped on you, let alone your feelings?
Don’t shoulder this burden alone. Insist he speaks to his own family for support.
No-one chooses to kick a person when they’re down.
But how much of your life are you prepared to sacrifice for him?