Work at home has ruined our sex life
ALL THE ENERGY IS GONE
LOCKDOWN has meant we’re now more like a brother and sister.
We’re both working at home, but my girlfriend and I no long kiss or cuddle and endless video calls have killed off our sex life.
The other night she had to join a video call to Los Angeles at midnight and I had an Australian one scheduled for 5am.
As usual they were both important, stressful meetings that required a lot of preparation and stamina.
Shower
In the end I went to sleep in the box room so I could be up in time in the morning, while she cracked on. It’s like that all the time – we’re constantly juggling work and passing each other on the stairs. There’s no energy left for our relationship.
Suddenly there is no cut-off time. We both have good jobs but we work for demanding bosses who expect us to be on-call 24/7.
At least when we were in the office we went home at 7pm. Now we both have demands on our time from all over the world and intimacy is the casualty.
We used to shower together but now I’ve noticed that she undresses behind my back and doesn’t like me to see her naked.
The other day I walked in on
her in the bath and she screamed at me to get out. I said I wanted to chat but she put a flannel over her privates and complained that it felt inappropriate and weird.
More than once I’ve heard her tell her mates how close we’ve become during these lockdowns. But it’s more of a friendship than a deep love affair.
We’ve not had sex for months and I can’t foresee a situation where we’ll ever be lovers again.
JANE SAYS: No-one denies that we’re living through extraordinary times.
Life is hard and many of us are working in totally different
ways, but your relationship is precious. It has to be ring-fenced and protected.
You two are clearly organised, professional people. Your take your jobs seriously and never want to let anyone down, but your bosses don’t own you.
You have to carve out private time. You have to start making sex a priority again.
Unless you agree certain “cut off” points then you’ll be slogging yourselves half to death for the foreseeable future.
We often have to work late or go above and beyond the
call of duty, but you’re entitled to claw back time for family and general relaxation. If you don’t, then you both risk burn-out and no-one will thank you for that.
Factor in regular breaks in future. Get back into the groove by holding hands on local walks.
Make the point of kissing when you wake up. Be kind; do thoughtful things and mimic how things were when you were having frequent sex as younger people.
No-one ever died saying: “I wish I’d spent more time in front of my computer…”