Controlling bloke stops me leaving
DECOR’S LATEST EXCUSE
I’M desperate to leave my boyfriend but he keeps putting obstacles in my way to prevent me.
I first told him our relationship was over back in June.
I explained I could no longer put up with his controlling behaviour and constant moaning.
But he said I couldn’t go because we’d committed to attending his sister’s wedding together.
Loan
He was taking the photographs and I was doing her hair and make-up. How could I possibly consider spoiling her big day? Just how selfish was I?
Inevitably he wore me down and I agreed to stay on for the sake of his face – and his sister’s happiness.
In August I tried again to pack my gear. This time he brought up the £3,000 I still owed him for the purchase of my car, which I thought was a gift, but there you go…
It took me ages to secure a loan from my mum.
The latest thing is that my guy says I can’t leave until I put his flat back to how it was when I first moved in.
He’s behaving like an unreasonable landlord.
He says he hates the bright colours I’ve splashed on the walls
and wants everything back to its original magnolia.
When I arrived in 2017, the flat looked like a bland box.
He never objected when I purchased beautiful teal, hot pink, and purple furnishings for the rooms.
In fact, he loved it when visitors said it looked like something out of a fancy magazine and complimented his good taste.
He’s even said I have to pay for new white blinds to replace the heavy curtains I lovingly stitched.
How is this fair? A complete makeover will take me months and cost a fortune. I know he’s angry and he’s stalling me. What
on earth is he’s going to come up with next?
JANE SAYS: Your guy sounds like a stubborn, proud person who is doing everything in his power to get you to stay.
From guilt tripping you over the wedding to suddenly remembering the £3,000 he “lent” you, he clearly thinks he’s being very clever.
But he can’t hold you back forever. If your relationship is over and there’s no way you and he can stay together, he has to hear that you’re off.
Insisting that you turn back the clock and return his flat
to its original state is plain nonsense. And he knows it.
It sounds like he’s to be pitied if anything over these desperate ruses.
But if he’s not capable of changing and you no longer love him, this is the end. You’re not obliged to do anything he says – he doesn’t own you and this could go on forever. He’ll have you replacing the roof next claiming “wear and tear”.
Seriously though, make your plans to leave. Get trusted friends to help you collect your stuff and move on. This has all gone far enough.