Mum’s lovers are young and greedy
HOW do I deal with a mother who never learns her lesson?
She’s just taken up with another much younger lover who I can guarantee will use her and bleed her dry.
I’m still reeling from her last relationship which nearly ripped our family apart.
My younger sister and I had to club together to raise £5,000 to send mum’s lazy blood sucker on his way.
Hard
Admittedly she has now paid us back but I’m hearing she has allowed another loser to move in with her. This one is a musician who is promising to make her an internet star. Suddenly she’s gone all Stevie Nicks in long skirts and flowing scarves.
She’s bragging to mates that he thinks she’s a goddess. She’s having the best sex of her life and that the rest of us (especially me) are nothing but jealous, dried-up husks.
I give up. I’ve tried to love and support my mother but she’s a very hard woman to like. She’s extremely vain, arrogant and ego driven.
My father is now remarried but he had to move abroad in 2013 to get away as she continued to demand money and favours (often
sexual) long after their divorce. My elder sister no longer had anything to do with mum after she was cruel to her son, and my brother never picks up the phone. I know I should go round to try to talk some sense into her but I’m sick of being insulted.
I’m single, by choice, and resent being ridiculed by my own parent who openly declares that I’m the most boring, uptight person on the world.
Yet if I don’t step in and say something, I fear that mother will be let down again. She’s 61.
JANE SAYS: Your mother isn’t old. She’s only 61 and,
as long as she’s of sound mind and body, then I suggest you step back and allow her to live her life, her way.
She doesn’t appear to be asking for your help or approval. If anything, you seem to annoy and irritate her.
It may frustrate you to learn that she’s taken in yet another lover but that’s up to her. You and she are very different people.
She’s as wild and hedonistic as you’re cautious and thoughtful.
Your elder sister and brother have decided to follow their own paths and maybe
you need to do the same. Talk to your younger sister and decide how you’re going to proceed.
Do you both need to step back and accept that what will be will be?
I can’t believe that constantly worrying (and being put down) by your mum is healthy for your self-esteem or mental health.
You have your own life to live and won’t ever start blossoming until you get out from under her shadow.
She’ll always be your mother but she’s entitled to make her own mistakes too.