DARKNESS DATE

METAL icons The Darkness reckon the lack of vinyl is nothing to do with Adele but a boom in erotic clothing.

The rockers are grateful new album Motorheart is coming out on record this Friday, despite claims Adele’s label Sony bought up space at pressing plants to release her album, 30.

Singer Justin Hawkins told me: “We just want our fanbase to be able to get our record in their hands.

“I keep reading about a lack vinyl.

“I believe it’s because too many people are using vinyl in their floors and in erotic clothing.”

The Darkness are gutted to be releasing their new music in the same week as Adele’s comeback but may offer their release schedule skills to other bands.

Justin explained: “We’re obviously marketing geniuses for releasing the same week as Adele.

“We’re offering a consultancy to other moderately successful rock bands if they want advice on when to schedule their albums.”

Guitarist Dan Hawkins added: of “Our release plan is the latest brilliant ploy from our marketing consultancy firm, Under The Radar.”

Justin, who now lives in Switzerland, scrapped an entire album of songs he wrote during lockdown before making the new album.

He explained: “I wrote 10 songs, one of which is a bonus track on Motorheart.

“The other nine songs, I’ll ceremonially throw them in the sea or build a pyre and fire a flaming arrow at them.”

The Darkness believe the time is right after lockdown for people to celebrate with their deliberately daft anthems.

Dan, whose band are on tour until December 17, added: “After the pandemic, we knew people wouldn’t want a maudlin and depressing album.

“We wanted to make everyone happy.”

Justin added: “Nothing unites people like uplifting cock-rock.

“It’s our job to do that – The Darkness still have a role.

“It’s not our job to moan about anything.”