Partner’s cleaning blitz is out of line
GRIEF IS REASON WE ROW
MY girl has become a neat freak.
Since the death of her mum last September, she has focused her attention on keeping our home “operating theatre” clean.
She comes in from a full day at work and hits the ground running. Her coat is hardly off before she’s pulling on the Marigolds.
She fully admits that blitzing our place fills the void left by her mother, but I can’t live like this.
I can’t put down a pizza box or kick off my shoes without being shouted at for making a mess.
She gets especially annoyed when I cook, which I love doing. She hovers behind me attempting to clean up as I go. Inevitably, we clash and we have a massive row.
When I point out that the kitchen is a functional space, she questions why we can’t live on microwaved ready meals. The shower room is another battle ground. I have to ask when I’m allowed to wash, which is ridiculous.
As for our sleeping arrangements, they’ve become a joke with her banishing me to the box room because she can’t cope with my clothes and china collection. Consequently, sex is off the menu and I’m angry and frustrated.
We row about her obsessiveness all the time. She knows she has a problem but refuses to do anything about it.
She argues that her late mother was the Queen of Clean and thinks she’s inherited that trait, but I know that this is all about pent up energy and grief.
She doesn’t want to go out, see friends or pay any attention to me. The house no longer feels like a home and the smell of bleach is frying my brain. Help.
JANE SAYS: We all love a clean home. Being in a fresh, uncluttered space – but your girlfriend is going way over the top. There are limits. It’s not particularly healthy to live somewhere that is blasted with sprays and chemicals and is too clean.
The fact of the matter is you both know why she’s displaying this obsessive behaviour. She’s heart broken and flailing around.
She misses her mother so much that the only thing she can think to do is emulate her behaviour.
It’s very sad, but a complete waste of time and energy. You’ve got to make her see that this habit is masking a bigger problem. She needs to get the expert help she needs. Is she inclined to speak to her GP? Remind her that she can check out cruse. org.uk.
In the meantime, can you establish a daily walk or a visit to a coffee shop? Think baby steps first.
Point out to her that this is your home too and you have to feel comfortable and calm whenever it’s time to relax.
Can she back off while you cook? When does she think you might be allowed back into the main bedroom?
Can a compromise be reached over your clothes and china collection?