Cruel boyfriend beat my dog so hard that it wet itself
SHOCKING STORY OF ABUSE TOLD ON FILM HIGHLIGHTS PLIGHT OF RURAL VICTIMS
A DERBYSHIRE domestic abuse victim has told how her violent partner hit her dog so hard it wet itself.
She has told the shocking story to support a charity which helps domestic abuse victims who live in rural areas, where it can be harder to escape a toxic relationship.
Jenny (not her real name) was abused by her former boyfriend but, coming from a traditional farming community, she felt unable to reach out for help.
She said: “I can remember curling up in a ball on the floor with my hands over my ears while he stood over me shouting and shouting.
“He bought a punching bag for exercise and would use it to intimidate me. Once he beat up my German shepherd dog after we had an argument, and it wet itself out of fear.
“I didn’t have anywhere to go or anyone to talk to.”
Living in a detached house in a small Derbyshire Dales village, Jenny’s neighbours were unable to hear the abuse taking place.
There were no hostels or places of refuge in the area, and poor transport links made it difficult to travel to safer areas.
Now a Derbyshire charity is making a series of short films to highlight the issue of domestic abuse in rural areas.
Rural Action Derbyshire, based in Matlock, has said it is releasing the films to emphasise that abuse in rural regions is often more severe than in towns and cities.
This is because victims in the countryside are often more isolated and have poorer access to support services than those in built-up areas.
Emily Brailsford, manager of Rural Action Derbyshire’s domestic abuse awareness programme (The Willow Project), has found this isolation can make it impossible for victims to escape.
She said: “For rural victims, it’s not just like they can leave their house and there’s a bus right there. It’s rarely like that.
“There are few local support services available. It’s a case of there being nowhere to turn.
“There have been cases where an abuser has deliberately taken their family out of a big city and into the countryside, because they know they’re less likely to be found out that way.”
Yet Jenny believed her abuse was not only down to physical isolation, but also the nature of “traditional” farming communities and their attitudes towards coercion and control.
In an environment where traditional gender norms are still very much followed, it is difficult for victims to have more subtle forms of abuse taken seriously.
Jenny said: “My ex-boyfriend had this thing about the way his shirts were ironed. If they weren’t done a specific way, he would verbally belittle me and become aggressive.
“The cooking was also a big issue for him. He always wanted bangers and mash, and if the mashed potato had a lump in it, I knew I was for it.
“But I didn’t feel I could talk about this with my family as they wouldn’t understand, because these were ‘women’s jobs’ and they had the idea that if you make your bed, you should sleep in it.
“I also felt like I couldn’t go to the police. He was friends with the local bobby and I felt like I couldn’t just go and say, ‘He doesn’t like the way I iron his shirts.’
“I never realised all that stuff he did was coercion and control because it wasn’t talked about in that way.”
Emily hopes the charity’s new films can help to change outdated attitudes in rural areas and highlight that abuse can be about more than just violence.
She said: “Gender stereotypes are stronger in rural communities. Men often inherit the farms and this can lead to a sense of entitlement.
“A lot of people in smaller towns and villages don’t realise what coercion is, they don’t see the smaller elements of control. Hopefully we can highlight that these old norms just aren’t acceptable.”
Expected to be released on Rural Action Derbyshire’s website on Thursday, December 10, these films will be the first of their kind in the UK.
Across three instalments, audiences will follow a husband and wife in a small village as different stages of abuse develop in the relationship.
Emily said the decision to make the films came from a lack of mainstream attention for victims in more isolated areas.
She said: “Everywhere I look in the media, all information focuses on built-up areas and all imagery seems to use an urban setting.
“We wanted to show that, even in a seemingly nice house in a chocolate box village, abuse can still persist.
“Just because something looks perfect on the outside doesn’t mean it’s perfect for the people on the inside.”
For more information visit the Rural Action Derbyshire website.