Signs you might be in a toxic relationship

‘TOXIC’ is a word that gets thrown around a lot – and it can be difficult to know exactly what it means.

As a general rule, certified narcissistic abuse therapist Tammy Ketura (keturaconsulting.com) says a good relationship should make you feel happy, secure, content, relaxed and free to be the best version of yourself. A toxic relationship, meanwhile, will leave you feeling drained, depleted and anxious.

Here she highlights the key signs to watch out for...

Look out for a change to your mental wellbeing: In a toxic relationship, Tammy says it’s not uncommon to experience a rollercoaster of changing emotions that you can’t quite pinpoint.

“Are you fluctuating from extreme happiness to extreme sorrow, and can’t identify the cause?” she asks.

Alongside this comes a heightened sense of confusion, self-doubt and insecurity. “As your toxic partner might be the one who fuels these emotions, many people might feel that it’s easier and quicker to gain the sensation of security by aligning themselves with their partner’s judgement, approval and love,” she warns.

Is your partner making you unhappy?

Keep an eye on the relationship dynamics: A toxic partner will share words of endearment to keep you hooked in, but combine them with subtle malice. Tammy explains: “They might share the vision of a charming future together, but they’ll do this while criticising, belittling, dismissing or ridiculing you.”

One of the most damaging parts of an unhealthy relationship is a partner that emphasises how important it is that you are in their life, while displaying a systematic disregard towards your own needs.

Have you made lifestyle changes? “You might have a ballooned sense of responsibility towards your partner, taking on their problems until it completely exceeds your realm of action,” says Tammy.

“For example, you might believe that your partner’s problems are all your fault, because you did something wrong.”

Alongside this, you should look out for a subtle shift in discomfort when you’re spending time with friends or family. “This could be because your partner regularly criticises the other people in your life,” Tammy says.

Physical changes: “If you’re living in a toxic relationship, you might notice an increase in exhaustion, fatigue, and brain fog, as well as high cortisol levels and adrenaline that feels like being on a jittery coffee high,” Tammy notes. “You might find you’re unable to make simple decisions. This could be down to decision paralysis, where you feel terrified to make a decision.”

Along with this comes an increase of shame, and some people even experience flashbacks, PTSD, disrupted sleep patterns and a lack of appetite. If any of these red flags sound familiar, it’s time to take action. For support, visit Women’s Aid’s website (womensaid.org.uk) or call the Freephone 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247.