TAVI GEVINSON

WRITER, ACTRESS AND FOUNDER OF ROOKIE MAGAZINE

I don’t know why people think you keep a diary when you’re a teenager to establish who you are, and then you don’t need it again – that’s so not true. I have a fireproof safe filled with 8O journals. I care less about remembering things; it’s more for mental-health reasons, like keeping myself in check and telling myself I’m OK. Every time I freak out, I’m able to journal myself to a place of sanity. It’s a superpower. It started at school when I read Harriet

the Spy and would write about my classmates and teachers in a notebook. By middle school I was blogging, and when I was about 13, I realised I didn’t want to write about things like boys on my blog, so I turned to private diaries, too. The pages ping-ponged between writing about a guy making fun of me in gym class to what I saw at fashion week.

Then, I began journalling obsessively. I enjoyed making tangible documents of my days – I’d stick in any artefact, even a wrapper, and do elaborate drawings of my outfits. With every new journal, I’d change the colour palette of my clothes, the posters my on my bedroom walls and the music I listened to. I was trying to make movies out of my life. At that time, I was working on Rookie while being at school, where I felt like one in a herd of sheep. I needed somewhere I felt in control – an escape – and something that was aesthetically pleasing, so that energy went into journalling. But when I moved to New York to act in a play, I stopped keeping a diary. I became tired of my voice and tried to unlearn the instinct of living ’through’ my journal. After the play, I realised if I didn’t keep one, I’d go crazy.

Journalling isn’t a creative outlet for me anymore, it’s where I work on me. I have to force myself to do it, but I do feel more whole carving a private space for myself, to be myself.

ELLE OCTOBER

“EVERY TIME I FREAK OUT, I’M ABLE TO JOURNAL WAY TO A PLACE OF SANITY. IT’S a SUPERPOWER ”