HOW TO GET WHAT YOU WANT

WHAT DO we WANT? PAY RISES, RESPECT, PROMOTIONS and A FAIR WORKING ENVIRONMENT. WHEN DOwe WANTit? NOW! BUT, ERM, HOW do WE ACTUALLY GET IT? THE ANSWER is NEGOTIATION. HERE, FIVE WOMEN TELL YOU HOW

Five women who negotiate for a living share their tips on how to have difficult conversations at work – and beyond

Negotiating – the essential art of influencing the decisions of those around us – is difficult. And not just in the obvious realms of impossibility with Brexit, or peace in the Middle East, or trade tariffs with totalitarians. Negotiating for smaller but still-important wins, such as your pay packet and job title or who buys the toilet paper at home (basically, for what you believe you deserve), can seem equally impossible.

And all the more so if you’re a woman, apparently. The seminal 2OO3 study Women

Don’t Ask by American economist Linda Babcock found that female employees ask for pay rises far less often than their male counterparts – it says women are scared to initiate negotiations for fear of seeming aggressive, pushy or difficult. The study was, for a long while, the backbone for discussing negotiations in terms of gender – however, it has been supplanted in recent years. Newer surveys, such as McKinsey’s Women

in the Workplace 2O18 and Do Women Ask?, by Cass Business School, the University of Warwick and the University of Wisconsin in 2O16, show that, today, women ask as often as men do – after all, ‘aggressive’, ‘pushy’ and ‘difficult’ are buzzwords of female empowerment in this age – except when women ask, they don’t get as much: 25 per cent less when it comes to pay rises*.

Clearly, we’re not living in a utopian state of innate gender equality yet. But that means it’s all the more important to keep negotiating, to fight for our right to persuade and brilliantly convince our peers and bosses to give us our dues, whether it’s that utopian state or an extra £5k on your salary, flexible working hours or funds for your campaign. But if you’re not sure

the SUPERAGENT by Lizzy Kremer, president of the Association of Authors’ Agents and literary agent at David Higham Associates

I spend a lot of time talking about money in unembarrassed ways, arguing for the bestpossible terms so that my authors are wellrewarded for their work. I also exercise what I call my ‘loving interference’ in every aspect of my authors’ careers, from book jackets to publicity tours – it’s like being in a constant state of negotiation.

It’s important to have confidence in what you’re pitching when you’re trying to negotiate. I only send a book to a publisher once I can tell them why it is the best in its class, why it’s an essential read and why the readers will love it. I try to tell them a story that excites and moves them.

I have always been assertive, but I haven’t always felt comfortable with it. You have to be a fully realised version of yourself to be a strong negotiator: confident in who you are and what you do well. It took time for me to learn how to be my real self in a negotiation – empathetic and yet insistent. In a good negotiation, I don’t have to be fierce, I just have to prove I’m right. You will be respected if you are honest, courteous and consistent.

Negotiation is a tricky skill to master. But ask for advice from those senior to you. Find a mentor. Listen to and read their negotiations. Most of all, never lose sight of your priorities. Know what’s most important to you going in, hold on to that and be ready to justify it.

the FASHION DIPLOMAT by Deborah Bee, group creative and marketing director at Harvey Nichols, where she spends every day negotiating with people from across the business

I haven’t always been good at getting my own way. I think it’s something you learn, and it has a lot to do with self-confidence. As you grow older and wiser, you discover you’re not going to win every argument in life – and that doesn’t necessarily matter. When you’re young, you take everything personally, but at the same time you still want to do your best. It’s about trying to find that balance.

I think one of the most important qualities you can bring to the table when negotiating is honesty. For example, if you are having a difficult conversation with someone about their future in the company, you have to be really clear from the moment they sit down in front of you what the conversation is going to be about – they need to know straight away.

Another important thing to remember is to always be nice. I know you wouldn’t necessarily think of that as being top of the priorities list in the fashion industry, but we are all human. Most people come to work hoping to have a good day, and I’ve found that if you are nice to people, then they tend to be nice back.

I remember sitting next to a very important editor (who I was slightly afraid of) on the front row during fashion week once, and asking her, ‘Do you ever feel like you don’t really belong here?’ She turned to me and said, without even really moving her face, ‘Darling, we’re all naked underneath.’ I’ve always remembered that. It really stops imposter syndrome from setting in.

Knowing your objectives is also key: if you agree on your objective, then at least you’ve agreed on something. Say you’re talking with people from different strands of a business, where everyone has a different agenda. If you can start by getting everyone

“WE’RE NOT IN a UTOPIAN STATE of EQUALITY YET – SO it’s IMPORTANT

TO KEEP NEGOTIATING”

to agree on what they’re there to do, then at least you know what you’re aiming for – even if you sometimes veer off along the way.

When negotiations don’t go your way, it’s important to back down. If I ever don’t win an argument, it will be because I’ve compromised. Negotiation isn’t actually about winning and losing, it’s about: ‘Do you understand where I’m coming from and do I understand where you’re coming from?’ Try not to take away something negative from any conversation. Aim to leave a negotiation on a positive note. Then it should be an even playing field next time round, and not, ‘Well, they shafted me last time, so I’m going to shaft them this time.’

The best advice I’ve had about this came from a friend. He told me that when it comes to negotiating fees for his clients, his trick is to ask for an astronomical amount of money, so whoever’s on the other end of the phone goes completely silent. It’s an automatic social convention to fill silences, but he says not to do so. You just let it hang there, and eventually the other person will respond. So if you’re trying to negotiate something you really want, make sure you don’t try to fill in the gaps – otherwise you begin to undermine your ambition. You set the bar high and then you shut up!

the HUMANITARIAN HERO by Josie Naughton, CEO of humanitarian aid organisation Help Refugees, who has persuaded thousands of people to donate money to the cause

I started Help Refugees with several friends in 2O15, the year over a million refugees arrived in Europe. We decided to raise some money and a van of goods to take to Calais, and with a big social media following between us, we ended up raising £56,OOO.

We thought we’d just hand this over to an organisation, but we found chaos when we arrived: 5,OOO people living in a muddy field with nothing. We couldn’t just leave, so we rented a warehouse, started a distribution system and ended up becoming managers of a refugee camp of 12,OOO people, despite having no experience – I’d worked in music management beforehand. Now, we operate in ten countries and have raised £13 million in three years.

How? I never want to take no for an answer. I will keep knocking on the door until someone will help. I’m a really big believer in ‘If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.’ That’s how we made MPs and journalists come to Calais to see what was going on first-hand. It’s how we got Katharine Hamnett to design our Choose Love T-shirts, and how we get celebrities – from Julia Roberts to Orlando Bloom – to wear them.

It’s important to make your cause accessible to people. Having facts and figures to hand – there are this many people suffering here, this much money can buy this many tents – is crucial, as is being able to speak calmly. You also have to learn to be a bit fearless; times to say to yourself that whatever the outcome, you might as well try. What’s the worst that can happen?

We all have those days when we wake up feeling rubbish, when we have imposter syndrome. But all you have is yourself, so you have to give it your all. Someone on our team taught me about the ‘power pose’: standing in private like a superhero, with your arms outstretched, making yourself literally as big and strong and undefeatable as possible. Doing something physical like that, no matter how silly you might feel, really does help.

Smiling is also important. People are more likely to listen if you seem approachable and kind. You’re not sternly telling them what they should do, but offering friendly advice on how they can achieve the things they want.

I also think that sometimes you have to let the situation speak for itself. In Greece, 4O,OOO people really spent this winter in tents, enduring -15°C temperatures. Don’t let other distracting information get in the way of the facts – simply state it as it is. That’s the best way of getting people to see your side.

the COURTROOM QUEEN

by Abimbola Johnson, a criminal defence barrister at top legal chambers 25 Bedford Row, who spends her days speaking with juries

Persuasion isn’t about making the other party immediately agree with everything you’ve said; that’s almost impossible. But you can plant seeds in people’s memories. When I’m making a speech in court, I spell out the logic behind each of my points – ‘This happened because of this, and therefore this…’ – so that there are clear, objective markers the jury can recall when making up their minds.

So, say you’re negotiating a pay rise. Your boss isn’t going to tell you then and there if you’ll get one. You need to leave the markers. Go into the conversation with three reasons why you deserve it: three things they cannot question, whether that’s an issue you’ve resolved or money you’ve brought in. Use these to headline the conversation – with the facts confirmed, it’s hard to not agree with the conclusion you’ve put forward: that you deserve a raise.

I always go into trials with a clear idea of what I want to say: I write out the first three sentences, then I have structured bullet points. Practise slowing your pace and speaking calmly.

A good trick: I look to see if juries are following my key arguments (are they taking notes? Are they fidgeting?). If not, I pause and spell out what I’m saying. But the biggest thing I’ve learned is to have no shame – say to yourself, ‘This is what I have to do.’ The moment you let go of that fear, it’s much easier.

the EQUAL-RIGHTS CAMPAIGNER by Lisa Borders, inaugural president and CEO of Time’s Up, who works to teach women across the world to negotiate safe, fair workplaces

We are often uncomfortable when the spotlight is shined on us, so shine the spotlight on the work you have done and let it speak for you. Start negotiations with the economic argument. At Time’s Up, we are working to ensure that women have safe, fair and dignified workplaces – so I would point out the studies that demonstrate that when teams have a diverse set of voices, they perform better. Then you can make the moral argument.

When you go into a room to negotiate, make sure you’re showing up as your best self, the sort of person you would listen to. Make sure you are calm, rested and well armed with information – and that you are ready to have a conversation. This is key: you’re not ready to give a speech, you’re having a conversation. Before I go into any space, I am constantly thinking about the other people who are going to be in the room. What is it that they will find important?

You must ask for a transparent working environment in order to get what you want. Knowing your rights at work and what you are allowed to ask for is crucial. It is not an unreasonable expectation that everyone be treated fairly. Then follow these steps: document what you have achieved; deliver timely results; demand your reward. Keep it calm, compelling, crisp and clear.

Lastly, prepare the pipeline. Talk about not only what you did, but how it will be of enduring value. Find something that lives beyond you, so the focus is put on the work you have done and the value you have brought – that will last through tomorrow and beyond.

“LEARN TO be A BIT FEARLESS – YOU MIGHT AS well TRY. WHAT’S the WORST THAT can HAPPEN?”