ADWOA ABOAH
In a time full of uncertainty, the supermodel and activist writes a letter to the next generation of talent, opening up about her own upbringing, overcoming self-doubt and how learning to embrace the qualities that made her stand out led to the career she
We, your parents and grandparents, screwed it up for you. But now we’re counting on you, so don’t mess it up! I’m sure you’ve heard many of these clichés before; perhaps more over the past few months. But that’s not why I’m here today. I’m not here to suggest that I have all the answers, or that my ‘pearls of wisdom’ will guarantee you a lifetime of success. I’m not here to gloss over the immense uncertainty and anxiety you might be experiencing right now or to place the weight of the world on your shoulders. What I am here to do today is embrace the uncertainty with you, help you process and grow through it, and let you know that you’re not alone. This is the anti-graduation graduation speech.
I think we can agree that we’re facing a lot of new unknowns now. But this isn’t the first time we’ve faced uncertainty, nor will it be the last. Uncertainty is a part of life. The good thing is, it’s something we can learn to cope with and grow through. And so, I’d like to tell you a bit about my own experiences with uncertainty.
School. For some of you, it was a time of great happiness, popularity, growth and a total lifesaver from the big wide world. For others, it may have been much more challenging. For me, school was a roller coaster. On the one hand, I was fortunate to have a supportive family and a close circle of friends. I had copious amounts of fun and was blessed to find a passion for theatre, something that still gives me great joy to this day. On the other hand, I was extremely shy and insecure about almost everything. I’d watch from the sidelines as certain friends flourished in social situations, all carefree and glowing, while I quietly hid my insecurities and internalised my shame.
I, like many others before and after me, never felt as though I fit in. I wasn’t white enough, nor was I Black enough. Boys weren’t into my braids, so I conformed – painfully relaxing my hair, which didn’t win them over either. According to school standards, I wasn’t academically strong, pressure that was only made worse by my dyslexia and the multitude of exams I failed. I wanted so much to conform, to be like everyone else – something that today would be a massive detriment to my career – but, at the time, was my deepest fantasy. I had so many questions but felt like there was so much taboo around talking about certain issues, especially as a young mixed-race girl. In a lot of ways, it rendered my experience at school, a boarding school for that matter, extremely lonely. My self-doubt and insecurities were paralysing and prevented me from trying new things. The masks I wore for different people kept me continuously exhausted. I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to do, and then it was all over. As I prepared to graduate, I remember thinking: What next?
I left school with a lot of baggage, but I was determined to put it all behind me and use university as a new beginning. When I started receiving more attention and external validation, I hoped these superficial markers could carry me through. If I can just put on a façade and keep the messy feelings inside, I thought, they’ll magically disappear. Instead, they followed me into adulthood, compounding over time and pushing me to a dark breaking point. What brought me to the other side was learning I wasn’t alone. Once I was able to connect with others over our shared experiences, and voice what was bothering me without judgement or shame, everything changed.
Looking back at my mental health journey, I wondered why I had to hit rock bottom to get help. Why did I feel so much loneliness and shame in the messy feelings, when they are so common and natural? If only I had the tools and language to communicate to those around me. And so I founded my mental health organisation, Gurls Talk, to provide a safe and supportive space to go to, no matter how big or small the problem, so no one ever has to reach a breaking point.
Without being too preachy, I want to share some things I’ve realised throughout my journey – things I learned later in life but wish I could have told my younger self:
Dearest graduates of the CLASS OF 2O2O. Congratulations! You have graduated from school, and now the world is your oyster. Live every day as if it’s your last AND REMEMBER – when life gives you lemons , make lemonade. While you’re making LEMONADE, please also take a few moments to solve all the social ills and INEQUALITIES created by previous generations, and MAKE SURE you do us all proud...
Uncertainty is natural. Sometimes school, and those around you while in school, can make you feel like you should be on a path of knowing exactly what you want. I didn’t. So let me be a voice that tells you it’s OK if you don’t know exactly who you are or what you want. Uncertainty leads to periods of growth and it’s incredibly important to sit with yourself, your discomfort, and learn who you are.
There is no ‘one path’. Life doesn’t move in a linear way, it takes time and we are always growing. I’m still learning now – often from all of you! You can and should feel empowered to be a combination of things and pieces. You are not just one identity and you can take unconventional routes after graduating. Fitting in isn’t as important as you may currently think.
Protect your self worth and boundaries. Stand up for yourself. I’ll say it again: stand up for yourself. Refuse to let people walk all over you. Every time I didn’t say anything and tried to fit in, I felt so heavy and minimised, making it near-impossible for me to grow. I urge you to trust yourself, ignore the external perceptions of who you should be, and form your own personhood. Explore your passions and be curious about what brings you joy and meaning. Don’t let the feelings of insecurity or need to conform hold you back. It’s OK and completely natural to fail sometimes. Actually, it’s important – we learn from failure. Also, be patient and kind with yourself. Always. And especially now. And ask for help when you need it.
Find your community. Find your people and nourish your relationships. You do not have to go through all of this alone. I used to feel isolated, but finding a community with shared experiences helped me see that I wasn’t alone, and normalised those experiences. Find those who share your values. They are out there. Speak up and find spaces that let you do so without judgement or shame. I previously did the opposite. I learned to not talk about things: the fears I had, that we all have. I wasn’t able to articulate them. If I had opened up back then, I would have realised that these things are natural. Take care of yourself, but also take care of others. Listen, and encourage others to do the same. Whatever you’re going through isn’t trivial.
Between a global pandemic and the fight for racial justice, these are unprecedented times and I am floored by the strength and resilience that I’m seeing from your generation. You have been unapologetic and fearless leaders in the quest for equality and have stood up for the most marginalised communities, demonstrating that, indeed, All Black Lives Matter.
Gen Z, you have accomplished so much and continue to set the example of what leadership and change look like – but please know it is not your sole responsibility to solve everything. It is our collective job to create the future that we want to see, and it’s essential to tap into our own individual strengths to create meaningful change.
In closing, as you embark on a new chapter, I encourage you to open up, lean into your communities and let them carry you through the uncertainty. Now, likely more than ever in your lifetime, people are showing up and illustrating how our fates are interconnected. But the onus is not on you individually, it is on society as a whole. And as we know, we are far more powerful when working together. Thank you and good luck. MAD LOVE, Adwoa xxxx