THE HATEFUL NINE
JUST WHO IS THE MOST HATEFUL PERSON IN THE HATEFUL EIGHT? WE RANK THEM DEFINITIVELY…
#1 Jody
HATEFUL TRAIT The bonus member of Quentin Tarantino’s Hateful Eight — or Hateful Nine, if you will — Channing Tatum’s evil cowboy is the sort of sneaky bastard who’ll hide in a basement for hours on end, before shooting a man in his Johnson. REDEEMING FEATURES? He loves his sister. (His psycho hosebeast of a sister.) And he speaks French, the sign of a cultured man who wouldn’t shoot anybody. MOST HATEFUL ACT Shooting Minnie, of Minnie’s Haberdashery fame, seconds after teaching her how to speak French. KILLS: Minnie and Ed, the coach driver. He also shoots Major Warren in the dingus, which looks fatal. He and his sister, Daisy Domergue, are responsible for the whole damn sorry mess.
#2 Joe Gage
HATEFUL TRAIT Michael Madsen’s cowpuncher is a cold-blooded, coffee-poisoning sonuvabitch. REDEEMING FEATURES? He loves his momma. Although she’s most likely fictional.
MOST HATEFUL ACT Turning Six-horse Judy into Two-bullet Judy. KILLS: O.B., Judy, John Ruth, Charly.
#3 Daisy Domergue
HATEFUL TRAIT Jennifer Jason Leigh’s prisoner is a feral racist who likes the taste of her own blood. REDEEMING FEATURES? She can play a mean guitar. Emphasis on mean.
MOST HATEFUL ACT Keeping schtum about the poisoned coffee. KILLS: John Ruth, directly. Everybody, indirectly.
#4 Oswaldo Mobray
HATEFUL TRAIT Tim Roth’s hangman is a pompous, priggish, play-acting psycho. REDEEMING FEATURES? He does a very good upper-crust English accent. And a Christoph Waltz impression.
MOST HATEFUL ACT Shooting Gemma, who’s fetching him jelly beans, for no good reason at all. KILLS: Gemma. He also fires the shot that will likely do for Chris Mannix.
#6 General Sanford Smithers
HATEFUL TRAIT Bruce Dern’s Confederate is a racist piece of crap. REDEEMING FEATURES? He wants to do right by his dead son. However, lest we forget, he was racist too. MOST HATEFUL ACT He doesn’t tip anyone off about the true nature of Bob, Joe Gage and Oswaldo. KILLS: Doesn’t actually dispatch anyone. Unless you count himself.
#8 Chris Mannix
HATEFUL TRAIT If racists had a football team, Walton Goggins’ Mannix would be their captain, mascot and treasurer. REDEEMING FEATURES? As the new sheriff of Red Rock, he mostly means well. MOST HATEFUL ACT He constantly bellows racist epithets into Major Warren’s face. They bond later, but still: not cool. KILLS: Daisy, Joe Gage, Pete/oswaldo.
#5 Bob
HATEFUL TRAIT Demián Bichir’s stone-cold killer is, well, a stone-cold killer. Even more unforgivably, he also makes terrible, terrible coffee.
REDEEMING FEATURES? The man can make a piano sing. MOST HATEFUL ACT Stabbing poor Sweet Dave in the back. KILLS: Sweet Dave. And he wounds Charly.
#7 Major Marquis Warren
HATEFUL TRAIT Samuel L. Jackson’s bounty hunter is a lyin’, connivin’ bastard. REDEEMING FEATURES? As his faked Lincoln letter shows, he has the soul of an artist. He hides it well. MOST HATEFUL ACT Goading General Smithers into suicide-by-bounty-hunter. KILLS: Daisy Domergue, General Smithers, Bob, Joe Gage, Jody, Oswaldo Mobray. Not to mention the three corpses he’s sitting on when we first meet him...
#9 John Ruth
HATEFUL TRAIT Kurt Russell’s misogynist will not shy from punching a woman in the face. REDEEMING FEATURES? He’s quite a sensitive soul underneath all the bluster. MOST HATEFUL ACT Smashing Daisy’s guitar. KILLS: Not a soul. He’s the Hangman, after all. He brings ’em in alive.
THE HATEFUL EIGHT IS OUT NOW.