MY MOVIE MASTERMIND
JEFFREY COMBS The horror icon has a terrifying brush with the quiz that will not die
1 In The Man With Two Brains, your character prepares Kathleen Turner for brain surgery by instead shaving her pubic hair into what shape?
A heart, because it’s Valentine’s Day! I got to work with the great Steve Martin. The joke is he pointed at it and goes, “What is that?” I look at my cohort and go, “He doesn’t know what that is?” And I whisper, “It’s a vagina.” And Steve Martin said, “Whisper, ‘It’s a pussy.’” I was so shocked Steve Martin said, “It’s a pussy.” Correct.
2 With which director have you worked most? Stuart Gordon or Brian Yuzna?
What did I do with Brian? Bride Of Re-animator, Beyond Re-animator, Necronomicon and I don’t know what else. Oh, Faust! I forgot about Faust, because I want to. Stuart was Re-animator, Fortress, Robot Jox, The Pit And The Pendulum,
and Castle Freak. And I did a promo for an Aliens ride with Stuart, and a one-man stage show about Poe with him. So I’d say Stuart Gordon. Correct.
3 In Re-animator’s pre-credits sequence, what is the last thing Herbert West says?
“No, I did not. I gave him life.” We had a massive 18 days to shoot that movie, which is sad, but we did it. But something had to give, so they jettisoned that sequence. Then they put the movie together and said, ‘Let’s put up a bit more money and get that scene shot.’ So we shot that a month later. Correct.
4 In Love And A .45, in the tattoo torture sequence Dinosaur Bob compares himself to which famous artist?
“I’m a goddamn Vincent van Gogh.” But he says Victor van Gogh. He gets it fucking wrong. He confuses himself with Victor Frankenstein and Vincent van Gogh. That’s one of my favourite movies. I thought it would branch me out, so people would say, “He’s more than that Herbert West guy.” Wrong! Correct.
5 You’ve played HP Lovecraft. But you’ve also played a character called HP Hatecraft on which show?
In Scooby-doo! I did two episodes, one with the great writer Harlan Ellison. I was Professor Hatecraft with Scoob and Shaggy and the gang. Correct.
6 In Beyond Re-animator, what does NPE stand for?
Neural blah-blah-blah. You got me. Neural Protosin… I don’t remember. The correct answer is Nano-plasmic Energy.
7 In Fortress, how does D-day describe the explosive nature of The Intestinator device to Christopher Lambert?
Dude, you’re going into my ancient memory banks of dialogue I’ve just gotten rid of. I don’t know what he says. The correct answer is, “We’re talking TNT on PMS.”
8 Which of your characters says, “You are violating my territorial bubble”?
That would be Special FBI Agent Milton Dammers in the great Peter Jackson’s The
Frighteners. I say that line to the sheriff, who is an actor named Troy Evans. I’ve known Troy since I was a puppy. Correct.
9 In Bride Of Re-animator, the bride is forged from many component parts. To whom did the legs originally belong?
The legs belong to a prostitute, I believe. Correct.
10 You’ve played a number of characters across Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Voyager and Enterprise. Who is missing from: Weyoun, Brunt, Officer Mulkahey, Tiron, Penk, Commander Shran…?
You’ve worked on this, dude. [Pause] Oh, Krem, from Enterprise! I think also there’s one episode in Deep Space Nine where I play both Brunt and Weyoun in the same episode. What was even more amazing is that they paid me twice! Correct.
JEFFREY COMBS SCORES 8
“Eight? That’s pathetic. That’s a B+. But I can only hold on to so much information.”
BRIDE OF RE-ANIMATOR IS OUT ON 17 OCTOBER ON DVD AND BLU-RAY