MY MOVIE MASTERMIND
Hail, Maria? Or fail, Maria? 1 What do you dress up as when you first seduce Viggo Mortensen in A History Of Violence?
A cheerleader. You see David Cronenberg’s films and think he’s insane, but he’s the loveliest guy. That movie was the greatest acting experience of my life. Hey, here’s a challenge for Empire’s readers: in one of the bedroom scenes, see if they can spot the plastic seabass. We had this thing about hiding fish in various scenes and it got way out of control. Correct.
2 Which dogs does Jocelyn breed in The Jane Austen Book Club?
No idea. [Hears answer] Rhodesian Ridgeback? How can I forget that! My ex is from Rhodesia. I don’t remember the dogs as much as I remember the cast. The director [Robin Swicord] made us do an actual book club and the only person who read all the books was Maggie Grace. Shameful, right? I was the worst book club member. The correct answer is Rhodesian Ridgeback.
3 In Assault On Precinct 13, Ja Rule guesses your character’s star sign. Which is?
Easy — Aries, the same as my own star sign. Correct.
4 In Thank You For Smoking, David
Koechner’s Bobby Jay Bliss tells you the secret to fooling a breathalyzer test. What is it — and what’s the slogan you come up with? I don’t know. It’s crazy to think that was Jason Reitman’s first film — he was like a baby director back then. I love those characters: they deserved their own sitcom spin-off. The correct answer is by chewing activated charcoal tablets. The slogan is: “If you must drink and drive, suck charcoal.”
5 After the plane lands in The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor, Evelyn asks,
“What is that godawful smell?” What is it? Yak shit? No, wait... Yak sick! “The yak yakked!” Correct.
6 In Lights Out, you enjoy a movie night with your son. Which film do you watch?
You got me there. [Hears the answer] Auntie what? Never heard of it. We pretended we were watching the movie while we were shooting then they added it digitally. You know, I’ve always wanted to see a ghost. I stayed at the Padre Hotel in Bakersfield where two phantom girls walk the hallways, and set the alarm for 3am. They didn’t show up. The correct answer is Auntie Mame.
7 “Slow down, honey” is a line from which of your movies?
The Cooler? No? [Hears the answer] It was Grown Ups? People still talk about that scene because I’m breastfeeding, like, a five-year-old! The correct answer is Grown Ups.
8 Lil lists her five favourite men in Coyote Ugly. Who are they?
They’re all liquor. Jim, Jack, Johnny Red, Johnny Black... and... Argh! José! I was a bartender in the West Village a year before I was cast in that movie so I didn’t do any research: I was Lil. I was the girl running around in cowboy boots, hanging out at Hogs & Heifers and getting into fights [laughs]. Correct.
9 When you first hook up with William H. Macy’s Bernie in The Cooler, you ask for some music. What record does he put on?
[Starts singing] ‘Luck, be a lady tonight...’ Bill and me were naked so much on set that we threw a ‘Show Us Your Ass’ party on the last day. We had a photobooth and toilet-paper prizes for Most Original Ass, Hottest Ass, Most Artistic Ass... There’s a book somewhere of the entire crew’s asses. Correct.
10 Since ER, you’ve played two doctors. Which films do they appear in?
I was a psychiatrist in Assault On Precinct 13. What the fuck was the other one? [Hears answer]
Demonic? I’ve still not seen that film! Half a point. The correct answer is Dr Alex Sabian (Assault On Precinct 13) and Dr Elizabeth Klein (Demonic).
MARIA BELLO SCORES 5.5
“I have a terrible memory. People ask me what I ate for lunch yesterday and I don’t even remember that. But that was fun.”
LIGHTS OUT IS OUT NOW ON DVD, BLU-RAY AND DOWNLOAD