STEPHEN KING ADAPTATIONS
Four Empire writers definitively rank the horror master’s screen output
Chris: It’s been a pretty good year for Stephen King adaptations. And The Dark Tower came out as well. Nick: They’ve all forgotten the faces of their fathers with that one. Not good. It was about 40 minutes long. Chris: Before we start, James threw a spanner in the works, because you told me you were going to include The Stand in your top ten. So should we consider works made for the small screen? James: I think you have to. There have been so many of them and some have been very good. Second of all, I do not believe Stephen King’s books, which I have not read, lend themselves to the cinematic format. Nick: You are a buffoon. James: The film of It worked because it was only half the book. Simon: Some of his best films are based on short stories. James: That proves my point. Can you imagine a world where The Stand is a single film? Not a chance. The mini-series is flawed, but I think it gives a good old stab at trying to tell that incredible story. Chris: If you don’t consider TV series, you have to throw out Salem’s Lot, and that’s absolutely in my top ten list. Simon: I saw that for the first time two months ago. I wasn’t allowed to watch it when I was a kid. It properly stands up. Chris: For me, there are two moments in particular that are embedded in my consciousness. Nick: Floating at the window. Chris: Scratching at the window; a little kid vampire floating at the window. Then the Nosferatu-style vampire appears from nowhere in the prison and scares the shit out of the guy in the cell. James: It hasn’t aged fantastically, but part of the reason for that is that the book is heavily influenced by King’s childhood. So the scary things in that are mummies, werewolves, stuff like that, which didn’t translate all that well in the ’80s. That’s what they updated in the new It to make the horror touchstones more relatable. Nick: I do think middle-aged Pennywise is scarier than the new younger one. There’s something about a middle-aged clown. “You shouldn’t be doing this!” Chris: Whenever King tries to get directly involved with a movie or an adaptation it does not end well. He wrote the screenplay for A Good Marriage... not good. Sleepwalkers, his only original screenplay? Not good. Simon: But he came up with original material for Creepshow, which I would argue would be right in my top ten. He wrote three of those stories specifically for that movie. Nick: It’s also his greatest performance, in which he turns into a broccoli monster. Proper Garth Marenghi. James: I saw Creepshow 2 when I was nine years old, and you know the sequence with the raft? Traumatised me. I’m not kidding. I had full-blown anxiety attacks for two years every single night after seeing that film. It properly fucked me up, that thing. Nick: This explains so much. The Shining has given me a phobia of axe murderers. Chris: What is it about King that makes him so popular with filmmakers? Nick: It’s the big high concepts. Cujo is a killer dog. The Shining is a terrifying hotel. Simon: He’s a concept machine. They just spew out. Chris: He’s talked in the past about his creative process being essentially a “what if?” “What if that mangler was possessed?” Nick: ‘What if Gary Busey fought a werewolf?’ I think possibly his greatest
work, Silver Bullet. I wonder if this is why Dark Tower doesn’t work. It doesn’t have Gary Busey, or a werewolf. Chris: Last time we did The Ranking, it was Chris Nolan, and Chris Nolan is really easy to do as there are only ten films. There are dozens of King movies. A lot of them are poor, let’s be honest. But there are some great adaptations. What do we think will be number one? It’s gotta be Shawshank, right? Simon: Incorrect. Nick: The Shining. Simon: It has to be The Shining. James: As a Stephen King fan, you shouldn’t like The Shining because he hates The Shining. Simon: The amount of times recently I’ve talked to certain horror directors and The Shining will come up in conversation. It was a huge influence on Robert Eggers for The Witch. Trey Edward Shults with It Comes At Night. Adam Wingard — that’s the movie he carries around with him at all times. Nick: Lee Unkrich is obsessed. Not sure if its influence on Toy Story is that strong. Look, Shawshank is a brilliant film, but I think for a film that gives you that Stephen King sense of dread, it’s got to be The Shining. Simon: And it’s not a horror. This is my issue with Shawshank. I just don’t think that represents what he’s all about. Nick: Shall we talk about The Mist? It’s got to be high on mine. James: It has the most devastating ending of any film. Simon: People really hate that ending. James: It’s the least commercial ending ever. Honestly, a part of my soul just died in that moment. It’s so unnecessarily bleak. Simon: It’s not unnecessary at all. That is horror. That is what King is great at. Chris: Enough squabbling — let’s vote!
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