THE EMPIRE AWARDS 2018
SNOW COULDN’T STOP THE 2018 EMPIRE AWA R D S. THE FULL LOW-DOWN ON A PARTY SO GOOD, EVEN THE GREATEST MOVIEMAKER OF ALL TIME SHOWED UP
We asked the stars to come out and play and then Steven Spielberg said, “Sure.” We played it cool (we didn’t).
IT BEGINS
5PM The night of nights is finally here. Oscars schmoscars, Golden Globes schmolden schmobes — as everyone knows, awards season is all about the Rakuten TV Empire Awards, held at Camden’s glittering palladium, the Roundhouse. Excitement levels are so high that the resident Roundhouse cat, Bella, has thrown up twice on the main staircase, necessitating an emergency clean-up. And even the fact that snow is blizzarding down outside, turning the red carpet into a white (well, pink) one, isn’t stopping the stars from arriving. First to arrive on the carpet is Dafne Keen, aka Laura from Logan, who has left her wrist-blades at home. “Sometimes when I’ve been at school and I hate a teacher, I’ll be like, ‘I wish I had claws right now,’” she reveals.
5.26PM We’ve seen her daily routine and she is busy, so kudos to Daisy Ridley for arriving promptly, clad in a Cabaretstyle tuxedo.
5.38PM Stephen Merchant is here, also wearing a tux, though less for glamour than necessity. “I’ve got moths living in all my suits,” he sighs. “So I’ve had to wear this.”
5.42PM J.A. Bayona, award-winner last year for A Monster Calls, has come straight from the Soho editing suite for Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Joining him are the dinosaur sequel’s writer/producer Colin Trevorrow, composer Michael Giacchino and editor Bernat Vilaplana. It took them ages to park their gyrospheres. 5.46PM Star Wars: The Last Jedi director Rian Johnson has brought along his Leica M6 camera, with which he snaps the snappers. Happily signing autographs, he is entirely unphased by the Hoth-like weather.
5.58 Shazad Latif, famous to comedy geeks as Clem Fandango in Toast
Of London and now famous generally for his role as human-klingon hybrid Ash Tyler in Star Trek: Discovery, fails to execute a perfect Vulcan salute on the red carpet. Empire’s resident Trekker James Dyer still hasn’t got over it.
6.25PM Final arrivals are Matthew Vaughn and Mark Hamill, who haven’t seen each other since the former killed the latter in Kingsman: The Secret
Service. They head into dinner, where Hamill will be using “the forks”. Fact: nobody has ever done that joke before.
6.29PM Steven Spielberg, en route in a jet, is somewhere over the Atlantic.
A-LISTERS ASSEMBLE
6.30PM Dinner is served and guests tuck into pea, ricotta and lemon tortellini. Mark Hamill, disappointingly, uses just the one fork.
6.45PM Dexter Fletcher and Andy Serkis convene in a corner for a natter. Could this be early planning for the Eddie The Eagle versus Caesar The Chimp movie we’ve all been waiting for?
7.05PM Members of the Time’s Up movement, against sexual harassment and abuse, gather at the bar for a group photo: actors Anya Taylor-joy, Joely Richardson, Vanessa Kirby, Ophelia Lovibond, Dafne Keen, Hayley Squires, Tallulah Rose Haddon, Simona Brown, Stefanie Martini, Alexa Davies, Emily Beecham and Pippa Bennettwarner, writer/director Amma Asante, and activists Marai Larasi and Andrea Simon.
7.38PM Hugh Jackman enters the room. Dafne Keen rockets into him, almost knocking him off his feet. It’s the first time they’ve seen each other in months. Awwww.
7.45PM Idris Elba makes a late arrival, entering the building just as a number 31 bus rolls by, complete with giant poster for Pacific Rim: Uprising. We’re guessing he had an apocalypse to cancel.
8PM Steven Spielberg’s plane touches down in Luton. The route to the Roundhouse has been checked and confirmed clear of sinister sentient trucks.
SHOW-TIME
8.15PM It begins! Empire Editor-inchief Terri White and Associate Editor Chris Hewitt are our hosts for the evening. Unlike the Oscars, there is no jet-ski for the winner who gives the shortest speech. No, instead there’s a photo of a jet-ski for the winner who gives the longest speech. And the rules are set out: winners will get a 20 per cent discount in the Camden branch of Nando’s (promo code: EMPIRE), but if you do over-ramble, you will be played off by a blast of the soundtrack for
The Greatest Showman from Terri’s iphone. Chris sings a quick blast to illustrate this, resulting in an impromptu duet with Hugh Jackman, hitting some impressive notes from his table. Man has pipes.
8.31PM Spielberg passes Hemel Hempstead Industrial Estate.
8.36PM Josh O’connor wins the first award of the night, Best Male Newcomer, for his heartstirring role as farm-hand Johnny Saxby in God’s Own Country. He thanks director Francis Lee, co-star Alec Secareanu and his “brilliant” girlfriend. But not the sheep. Baaaaad blood on-set?
8.39PM Dafne Keen picks up her first-ever solo award, Best Female Newcomer. In her touching speech, she pays tribute to a huge jacked man, aka Hugh Jackman: “For being the best fictional dad… and for infecting us all with his smile in the mornings.”
8.40PM Spielberg whizzes by Elstree Studios, where he shot Raiders Of The
Lost Ark back in 1980. Some say there are still snakes there, you know. 8.45PM Best British Film goes to
God’s Own Country. It turns out Francis Lee didn’t dig himself out of a snowdrift up in the Pennines earlier today for nothing. After his speech, he reveals that the sheep are here, after all: “They’re all under our table. It would have got awkward if we were eating lamb.”
8.48PM Edgar Wright is awarded the Empire Visionary trophy for his services to cinema, from devising new and very British ways to duff up zombies to getting Jon Hamm to lip-sync to Barry White. Backstage he reflects on his journey from one-star review in Empire (for his madeat-school debut A Fistful Of Fingers) to five-star review in Empire (for last summer’s nitro-ride Baby Driver). “This is a very sweet moment. And I’m excited that Fistful Of Fingers is getting a big Blu-ray release soon, with lots of extras.” But how many stars will it get?
8.50PM Now only ten minutes away from the Roundhouse, Spielberg passes the big Tesco and, resisting the urge to pop in for an emergency bag of Revels, turns onto the North Circular.
9PM Wonder Woman is named Best Sci-fi/fantasy. Patty Jenkins, who’s currently at work on the sequel, takes to the stage. “I’ve done a lot of these awards shows recently, but this one is special, the way it’s voted for by readers,” she says. “So this is the perfect cherry on top.”
9.04PM Kingsman: The Golden Circle picks up actual gold (well, some type of metal) in the form of Best Thriller. “The only people who give me awards are Empire,” Vaughn says. “So I’ll keep on coming back.” He’s currently writing two more Kingsman movies, but first he’s going to catch up with Dexter Fletcher at the bar.
9.06PM Spielberg enters the room.
9.08PM Idris Elba heads to the stage, he and Hugh Jackman shooting finger-guns at each other en route, to present the Empire Inspiration award. This year it’s going to the richly deserving Amma Asante, director of Belle and A United
Kingdom, who gives a barnstorming speech about the importance of diversity and representation, and gets a standing ovation.
9.14PM Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg crash the backstage area to perform an astonishing illusion in the photobooth, in which Wright transforms into Pegg. “That’s the magic of the movies,” beams Pegg, studying the final product.
9.16PM Get in! Best Horror goes to Get Out. Director Jordan Peele accepts via video message: “I can’t tell you enough how honoured I am to receive this award in a year when the creepiest clown of all time preys on fear and made us all feel so helpless, like children. But enough about Donald Trump.” 9.25PM The winner of Best Comedy is
The Death Of Stalin. And unlike the recent Russian election, this ballot wasn’t rigged. Armando Iannucci compares Putin to Dobby the House Elf, probably a refreshing change from Voldemort.
9.28PM Representatives for Time’s Up speak about our chosen charity, the Justice and Equality Fund.
9.34PM Mark Hamill is named Empire Icon. “Empire I think of as a magazine written by fans for fans — and first and foremost that describes me,” he tells the room. “I’m one of them. It’s as if they were able to shoot me into a small exhaust port in the Death Star that is professional showbusiness, and get one of their own on the inside.”
9.43PM Best TV show goes to The Crown, with Vanessa Kirby, aka Princess Margaret, showing up to receive the award. “It’s such an honour. I’ve read
Empire since I was tiny,” she says. Thanks, Your Highness.
9.48PM Rian Johnson, picking up Best Director for Star Wars: The Last Jedi, gives a warm and witty speech. But was he actually there, or Force-projecting himself from a craggy island? (He was there — we poked him to check.)
9.53PM Best Actress winner Daisy Ridley admits on stage that she felt a lot of insecurity when she was first cast as Rey, but has now found her groove. “I really felt like I had a voice when I started Star
Wars, because I was amongst people who really made me felt like I was important and like what I said was worthy. In a work environment — because my parents are here and they always make me feel like
I’m fucking awesome.” She’s brought them along tonight as her ‘plus ones’.
9.56PM Best Actor goes to Hugh Jackman for Logan. He Facetimes his wife Deborralee in New York from the stage, to thank her for her sacrifices. “All those hairy kisses, all those middle-of-the-night protein shakes, chicken dinners… Listen, I know you advised me against taking the role 20 years ago. Thank you so much for being wrong. Only once — but thank you for being wrong. I love you.” He isn’t played off by the Greatest Showman soundtrack on Terri’s phone, but Terri does recite a few touching lyrics from A Million Dreams to cap off the magical moment.
10.10PM A very special tribute video plays, with some of Spielberg’s collaborators reflecting on his genius. It opens with a full orchestra playing the Jurassic Park theme and ends with Tom Hiddleston in his living room thanking the director for bringing dinosaurs back to life. In-between, Meryl Streep delivers a moving panegyric, JJ Abrams hails Spielberg’s “sense of optimism” and “enormous heart”, and Ready Player One star Lena Waithe calls him “the Jewish father I never knew I needed”.
10.30PM Simon Pegg presents the Legend Of Our Lifetime award to Spielberg. The room rises to its feet. Then the man himself talks, calling the Time’s Up movement a “watershed moment” and reflecting on what tonight means to him. “I was pretty chuffed driving from Luton to get here to receive this award,” he says. “I was thinking about ‘legend’ and what that means. Then I passed this billboard for the new Mcdonald’s Chicken Legend sandwich. And I thought, ‘All things in perspective.’”
THE AFTERMATH
10.31PM The Star Wars contingent heads backstage, where Spielberg and Simon Pegg are photo-boothing. “I haven’t done this for such a long time,” says Spielberg, a huge smile on his face. “It used to be the first thing I did when I went to the carnival.”
10.46PM The directors of Wonder Woman, Baby Driver, Jurassic World, Jurassic
World 2 and Kingsman: The Golden Circle all stuff themselves into a photobooth, with bonus cameo from Michael Giacchino, who we hope later composed a theme tune for this historic moment.
11.02PM Empire attempts to explain the concept of Morrisons to Andy Serkis. It is unclear why this is happening.
11.05PM Spielberg records an interview for the Empire Podcast with Chris Hewitt, whom he says resembles a young Stanley Kubrick. “I’m feeling very, very good right now. How could I not, after that amazing reception?” says Planet Earth’s greatest living filmmaker. “This is a heavy award, but it will not be used to keep papers from flying off my desk. It will be displayed in another way... vertically.” 11.25PM Spielberg leaves the building.
MIDNIGHT J.A. Bayona heads home, popping crisps into his mouth. He’s got dinosaurs to unleash in the morning.
1.10AM The party’s over. But Dunkirk star Fionn Whitehead and friends, the last ones standing, are in a bar across the road from the Roundhouse carrying on the party. Last we heard, Mark Rylance was piloting a ship down Regent’s Canal to pick them up.