NOEL CLARKE

Writer. Director. Actor. But is the star of Bulletproof impervious to our questions?

1 When Royston (Daniel Anthony) gets shot at the beginning of Brotherhood, what song is he singing? ‘Regularly’ by Jamie Joseph.

If you listen very carefully an older version is also in The Anomaly, two years previous.

Correct.

2 What’s the exact nature of your death in Centurion?

It’s not on screen but it’s after whatisname [Thax, played by J.J. Feild] cuts my Achilles heel. I’m then attacked by wolves. I liked to think he survived and as the credits rolled you would see him ride up on a fucking pack of wolves and save the day. Neil Marshall wasn’t having it.

Correct.

3 In the awards jury episode of Inside No. 9, your Gordon Norris says he’s in post-production on which show?

I believe it was Doctor Who.

I nearly said Hotel Babylon because he mentions that at some point. A little bit of exclusive information: Reece [Shearsmith] and I did a series called Chasing Shadows together and we had many a day being disgruntled about that sort of thing [awards juries being tricky], and laughed about it endlessly. I said, “You should do an episode about that.” He said, “I will do and when we do, I’ll give you a call.” Correct.

4 You were eaten by a bin in your first episode of Doctor Who. On whose behalf was the bin working?

It was controlled by the Autons. That’s burned into my memory. Correct.

5 In Mute, what do you say to Alexander Skarsgård that makes him throw a bottle at you?

I say, “I’d like to give her a really big apology,” indicating my penis. The bottle was plastic, not glass, but it still chafed a little bit. Oh man, he got me. I had a little scrape on my nose. He threw it safely but the pourer bit hit me. He was so apologetic. Correct.

6 In 4.3.2.1.,

diamonds are hidden in a can of Pringles. What flavour? Original, so it’s the ready salted ones. The red ones. My favourites.

Correct.

7 Storage 24

ends with an alien spaceship blowing up which London landmark? This might be the one to get me. You have to trust I’m not pulling it up on my computer as we talk. I’m going to say the London Eye as a guess. [On hearing answer] I can’t believe I’ve got that wrong, man. I was hoping to be the first to get ten out of ten. The correct answer is The Gherkin.

8 How do you blow up the Section 31 HQ in Star Trek Into Darkness? By dropping a super explosive ring into a glass of liquid which seems to be water. They did it in one shot. It was a football pitch-sized warehouse with greenscreen right across the back of it. It was amazing. Correct.

9 In Bulletproof, what does Bishop call his shoes when Munroe pukes on them?

“My red Dragons.” I wear Adidas all the time. When they said the character’s going to wear trainers, I said get those. And get loads of different coloured Dragons! Correct.

10 Apart from you, which actors have appeared in all three ’Hood films?

Red Madrell as Alissa, Cornell John who plays Uncle Curtis, and then a weird one people don’t always realise, is David Ajala. He was in my gang in Kidulthood,

then a copper in Adulthood, then a detective in Brotherhood.

Boom! Correct. CHRIS HEWITT