FOR JUST £3.40!*

I’m kind of a rule follower, so I don’t tend to steal very much. I always feel like kind of a badass when I steal some whiskey bottles or something from the minibar, but then of course, they charge you for that, so I’m the dumbass in that situation. I think one time I was working on a movie, and I actually pocketed the hairdryer.

Yeah. It’s just ‘Helmsy’. Helms with a ‘y’. I don’t mind it. A lot of times, nicknames are very annoying, but this one feels kind of affectionate.

I think it was The Hangover 3, and we were in production in Las Vegas, and Michelle Obama came to Vegas to make a speech. We got invited, saw her speak and then we met her. It was kind of mind-blowing and just really exciting, meeting her right after seeing her just absolutely nail this speech. It was probably the most starstruck I’d been. I don’t care what your political stripes are, when you meet someone in the First Family, it’s just exciting. I dunno. Maybe a lot of people wouldn’t feel that way now.

I think I was a guard in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Literally, like an extra. It was not a speaking role. But I held a spear and I stood by a doorway and I looked really, really terrifying to anyone who was trying to go through that door. It was one of those parts in a school play where it’s not actually in the script. But the theatre department is trying to put as many kids up on stage as possible so they just start using kids as set decoration. I was probably ‘Guard Number Four’. I think it’s what really launched my career, if we’re being honest.

How much does it cost? You’re putting me on the spot here! Well, we don’t do pints here. We do gallons. A gallon is about $3.50, I think.

Probably Christmas Vacation. There’s not a lot of movies that you watch as an occasion, and that’s one of them. I loved watching it for years, but now my wife’s family loves watching it too. So I think we’re gonna watch that for the rest of our lives.

I have a favourite kind of joke. And this is a very juvenile thing, but I love puns. Really, really dumb puns. I have a couple of buddies that will get in these text chains where we just go on for days on some stupid topic, just making puns about it. I derive a ridiculous amount of glee from that.

Helms teams up with Shrill’s Patti Harrison to star in this drama about a man who hires a younger woman to be a gestational surrogate.

Helms has co-written this script about a group of friends who try to make their buddy look more successful.

This action comedy sees a soldier known as ‘The Walrus’ attempt to save the world. Helms co-writes and stars. ‘The Life And Times Of An Earnest Idiot’. I don’t think I have the attention span to write an autobiography, though. Nor do I think I am a worthwhile subject, to be honest. [laughs]

Oh, I got a beauty. I got a 12-incher that runs right down the centre of my chest. I had open-heart surgery when I was a teenager. That one wins most contests. It was for supravalvular aortic and pulmonic stenosis. It’s a long way of saying a heart murmur that had become very serious as I became a teenager. Just so your readers don’t freak out, a lot of people have heart murmurs and most of them are completely benign. Mine was particularly problematic as I got bigger. But it was completely fixed and I’m all good now.

In my own hat. I was at a party in college, as a freshman, where I really didn’t want to make a bad impression by leaving vomit all over the place. So I took off my hat and I threw up in it, then ran outside and dumped it. The crazy part is that I kept the hat and washed it. I wore it for another year after that. It was a bright-red baseball cap.

Exactly! Both of those. I think you just hit upon the duality of Ed Helms.