PINT OF MILK
Aussie actor Jason Clarke on Richard E. Grant gardening in blue-suede shoes. True story.
Do you have a nickname?
There was one that I had, the weird one: two friends called me ‘Plugger’. It’s because I wouldn’t stop, I’d always keep going. I know they were mocking me, but I was okay with it.
Do you have a signature dish?
I’ve only got one dish: it’s cherry tomatoes, pasta, garlic thinly sliced. Get the garlic in the pan, hot. Once it starts to give off the aroma, whack the tomatoes in there, pepper, salt, chilli flakes or fresh chilli, then put in capers, some freshly cut basil on top and a lot of olive oil. Put that in the pasta and then parmesan cheese on top. I’ve perfected it! The Plugger Special!
What is the worst smell in the world?
[Big laugh] The ‘babba couche’! My wife is French, and “couche” is French for “diaper”. And my little two-year-old son, God bless him, his “caca” — which is French for “shit” — is something else.
What one thing do you do better than anyone else you know?
I’ve become very good at buying wine at auction online. I’ve developed that skill in the pandemic, it’s my 2020 skill that I’ve acquired. It takes a skill to work out what’s what, whether the bottle’s any good.
How much is a pint of milk?
You know what, I have no idea. We drink almond milk, and in Australia it comes in… a litre? I’m going to do the classic Monty Python with you, on the bridge — “Is it an Australian pint, a French pint, or an English pint?” I truly have no idea.
What character where you in your first school play?
I was Julius Caesar, with some kind of crown made out of an ice-cream container. My mum had a photo of me getting stabbed by a bunch of wooden sticks. I died well.
Which movie have you seen the most?
Withnail And I! It’s one of the greatest movies in history. I worked with Richard E. Grant’s wife, who is one of the great dialect coaches in London. I went to see her at their house. I literally bumped into him on the garden path, and said, “Oh my God! It’s you!” I looked down, and for some reason I noticed that he was gardening in blue suede shoes. Not kidding you.
What is the strangest place you’ve ever thrown up?
Beside my fish pond at home! It was before my first son was born, I went out for a final night out in the week before we went to the hospital. And my mother-in-law came downstairs and saw me sitting outside by the fish pond in the rain. She said, “Are you okay?” I went to answer and I just threw up. And God bless her, she helped me inside and up the stairs.
Do you have any scars?
I’ve been stitched up a lot. And funnily enough, they’re mostly all on the right-hand side of my body. I’ve got a long one down on my knee where I ran into a metal fence playing tennis, got ten stitches there. A girl was sharpening a pencil when we were young at school and she was sharpening it with a knife, not a pencil sharpener and she missed, took out a chunk out of my hand.
Whose poster did you have on your wall as a kid?
No-one is going to know this, but I’ll say it anyway. Peter Daicos. He was a Collingwood football club player [in Australian rules football leagues]. You should Google it, because you’ll see one of the greatest mullets in history. The guy was a magician with a football, mate.
On a scale of one to ten, how hairy is your arse?
[Huge laugh] Hang on, let me just check… Not very hairy! I would say mine is around a four, maybe a three-and-a-half. But I want it on the record, though, that I don’t manscape. I’m natural.
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