TRAILER TALK

Unfiltered, uncensored, uncompromising trailer reactions from team EMPIRE

Team Empire goes hunting for trailer truffles, comes up with the latest slice of Nicolas Cage ham.

Nick de Semlyen (Deputy Editor): I’m totally up for a deep dive into the shady world of truffle hunting. I don’t really know what a truffle is.

John Nugent (News Editor): It’s a type of rare fungus.

Joanna Moran (Photography Director): It tastes like bad feet, I think. They hit me in the back of the throat.

John: Truffles are often found by dogs and pigs, with their superior sense of smell. There’s a great documentary called The Truffle Hunters that got nominated for an Oscar this year all about this. But this is more like Nicolas Cage meets John Wick, with a pig.

Nick: It’s Pig Wick!

James Dyer (Editor-in-chief: Digital): “I’m looking for a truffle pig.” Oh my God.

John: On paper this looks like another bit of Nic Cage bargain-basement knock-off, but this trailer makes it look better than that.

James: It has a piano score. So, clearly.

Nick: What I want to know is, what do they want with a pig? Are they after truffles? Are they, like, criminal truffle hunters? Or are they just after a sausage sandwich?

John: The documentary goes into this a bit — the world of truffle hunting is actually pretty cutthroat. There’s an omertà among them. So it’s probably a rival truffle hunter.

James: Are they going to send him bits of the pig, like one trotter at a time? And a packet of pork scratchings?

Nick: The climax of the film is going to be really traumatic — it’s going to end with bacon or something. I just really don’t want this pig to die.

John: It’s got a bit of a fairy-tale vibe. He’s living in the middle of a forest. He’s a loner.

Nick: So, that’s a truffle?

Chris Hewitt (Review Editor): It looks like pig shit.

Joanna: They’ll go for loads, though. There’s a truffle black market.

Nick: Is this playing at Cannes this year? I’m wondering if it could be up for the Palm d’oink. [Mass groans]

John: How long were you working on that one?

James: What happens here?

Joanna: Someone clubs him on the back of the neck, I think.

Chris: It’s a truffle kerfuffle! It seems to be set up as ‘Taken, but with a pig’. But the rest of the trailer seems to be a bit more esoteric than that. Doesn’t seem to be a lot of violence. More of an existential confrontation.

Nick: Cage’s backstory seems to be that he was a chef. Maybe he was a special forces chef? Like Steven Seagal in Under Siege? John: Maybe this is a bit like Mandy, where you’ve got Nicolas Cage being a bit ridiculous and seeking revenge, but also he’s in a reflective mood, looking back on his life, being a bit sad, doing some proper acting.

James: That’s a very serious typeface. Quite highfalutin.

Nick: This is why it feels a bit like a Saturday Night Live parody. “I’m looking for a truffle pig...”

John: They must know what they’re doing, with dialogue like that.

Nick: Guillermo del Toro tweeted the link to this trailer and said, “I must see this as soon as possible. What is it? It’s gorgeous.” He’s entranced by it.

John: “I remember every meal I ever cooked... every person I ever served.” What, all of them?

James: Also, as a chef, you don’t actually do the serving!

Chris: Actually, in many Michelin-starred restaurants and high-end fine-dining places, the chefs do bring the dishes to the table and explain to you what you’re about to eat.

Nick: Why do we think he got sacked for being a chef?

James: Because he looks like a homeless man and he lives with a pig!

John: Alex Wolff, of course, from Hereditary.

Chris: Pigs and wolves do not have a good history together.

John: That was a bit hamfisted.

James: John, don’t be a boar.

Nick: You reap what you sow.

John: They really should have hired Jon Hamm for this.

James: Or Kevin Bacon.

Nick: Would have been a banger if they did.

John: Terri’s not going to let me print any of this.

Joanna: That looks like pig feed. But I thought you’re supposed to feed pigs acorns.

James: But what you feed the pig surely doesn’t affect the truffles?

Nick: Yes, it does. Doesn’t the pig eat the truffle and then you pick it out of the poo? I thought that was how you collected truffles? James: What? The pig just finds the truffle. You’ve got a whole ‘Porcine Centipede’ thing going on, which really upsets me.

John: Have you just been eating pig shit, Nick?

Nick: No wonder I’m not a fan of truffles.

John: Well, this looks like everything you want a Nicolas Cage film to be.

Nick: I can’t say how up for this I am.

PIG DOES NOT CURRENTLY HAVE A UK RELEASE DATE