POPE FRANCIS

Because he’s a holy good egg

Madonna mastered the art of tightrope walking on her 2012 MDNA tour: ‘I had to learn how to slackline — that

was a nightmare, because you keep falling off,’ she says. Thankfully practice makes

perfect, because after that raunchy photo shoot last week, her whole reputation

is on the line.

Crush has a confession to make. Since Jorge Mario Bergoglio was anointed Pope Francis with a puff of white smoke last year, we have been experiencing some unexpected stirrings from the 77-year-old messenger of God on Earth. Unusual, considering Crush’s religious education was always more Nuns on the Run than the King James version of the New Testament — but we’ve come to realise that there’s nothing sinful about it, and seeing as it’s almost Christmas, there’s no better time to make these feelings known. ‘Who am I to judge gay people?’ the pontiff declared in a move that led Elton John to call him his ‘hero’, and made Crush realise that it, too, should stop being so judgemental at 2am on a Saturday night at G-A-Y Late bar, because 2-4-1 Jäger-Bombs and Ariana Grande remixes can

It’s no wonder Francis is known as The People’s Pope — he loves football, dances the tango and lives in a modest two-room B&B suite

bring out the worst in all of us. It’s no wonder Francis is known as The People’s Pope — he loves football, dances the tango and shunned the Apostolic Palace to live instead in a modest two-room B&B suite (madness — have you seen that place?). Most recently he impressed Crush by saying that animals go to heaven, too (hooray!). And in October he admitted that evolution and the Big Bang theory are real and ‘God is not a magician with a magic wand’, which is an idea Crush can actually get on board with. If it weren’t probably a bit disrespectful, we’d slap the guy on the back and call him A Total Dude. Instead, we’ll settle for a rousing Hallelujah. Happy

Christmas!