Guide to getting away from it all

charged an extra five per cent. The WhatsApp group to organise this trip started months ago. It might have a light-hearted name — think “Lads on tour 2016” — but its protracted analysis of dates that suit the crew mean you hate everyone you are meant to be going on “loliday” with already. Yes, even the friends of friends who you don’t know yet. Same-sex holidays are equally grim: WhatsApp names include “PortuGALS” and “Vaycays-HUNS”.

Group holidays are useful in a time of uncertain interest rates — you split the cost of the villa and inflatable pizza lilo — but there is another price to pay: freedom.

Topics not to mention if you want to play it safe include anything to do with the Labour Party, Trump and Theresa May. A few bottles of local rosé in, you’ll be sure you’ve set the world to rights but the next day no one will want to sit next to you.

Teva sandals (pictured left) for head-clearing walks where you’ll look so good you’ll make new friends. To be truly zeitgeist in these gender-neutral shoes wear with socks and ignore uninformed geography teacher asides — it’s very Prada SS17 (and socks prevent blisters). At work you have to deal with people all day and at home your flatmates are always mooching around so holidays are a chance for mental space. You’re free from the hunger-pangrelated whims of others, but equally that means you’re the only one to blame when it goes wrong — so don’t mess it up. Avoid bars full of ebullient groups more invested in you having a big night out than you are. Suncream with a conscience (like Jasön’s, left). Most SPFs contain a chemical that might be contributing to the destruction of coral reefs. You might be holidaying alone but you still care about others, so take an oxybenzone-free lotion — plus, you can make friends by sharing it.