Kids calling the shots: the untold role children play in house move decisions
Charlotte Duck speaks to three families in the capital whose offspring exerted a sizeable influence when it came to their best-laid plans
My London-born daughter was instrumental in insisting we move back to London from a pretty cushy perch we had in Switzerland,” says editor Sally Peck, 45. Along with her husband, Giles, and their children, Antonia, 12, and Henry, 10, Peck had moved from south London to Lausanne during the pandemic. “In Switzerland, we lived in a Haussmann-style apartment… We could go to France a lot and ski in the winter,” she says. “I miss the place and the community feel in Switzerland — it’s not the same in the UK and in London especially.”
The family regularly have meetings to discuss big decisions together. “It’s useful to have a dedicated time to air what everyone is thinking,” says Peck, and, after two years in Switzerland, Antonia said she wanted to move back to start her secondary education. “She wanted to be educated in English and be at the same secondary school throughout… During Christmas 2021, we went for a walk, and everyone was minded to stay in Switzerland but Antonia wanted to apply to a London school so we said, if she got a place, we’d consider it.”
She did get a place, so the family decided to up roots and moved back, buying a house in Holloway. “On a weekly basis, I miss Switzerland. In a smaller place, it did feel very safe — the kids were able to walk to and from school,” admits Peck. “But
I feel happy that our children have a cosmopolitan life in London.”
According to new research by Zoopla, it’s becoming increasingly common for children to have a say in where a family lives — especially in London. Among London parents of six to 12-year-olds, 63 per cent said an objection from their children had led to a change in their decision to move, compared to 32 per cent of parents nationally, and 37 per cent of parents in the capital would let the kids decide where they live, compared to 20 per cent nationally.
“Our research has revealed that the kids really do hold the keys, particularly in London. It’s pretty common for parents to consult their little ones about moving, and a third of parents have even halted a move because of objections from their kids,” says Daniel Copley, consumer expert at Zoopla. “But, surprisingly, this doubles for families based in London, possibly indicating that parents who live in the capital are more likely to consider their kids’ views and affinity for a local area. Or perhaps little Londoners are just more vocal about moving? Either way, it’s clear that it’s not just parents who develop strong bonds to a home, but children too. How much you consult them though, that’s up to you!”
While Peck misses her Swiss life, she doesn’t regret going with what her daughter wanted. “It was empowering for her that her voice was heard. It gave her ownership that she chose the school and I’m happy she played a role.”
Zoopla’s data also revealed that, of those who reacted negatively to the news of a move, 18 per cent of London kids ‘had a tantrum’ compared to a national average of 12 per cent. This is something that Julie Creffield can certainly identify with. The 45-year-old business manager, who is a single mum to Rose, now
11, decided during the pandemic that she wanted to move them both out of their two-bedroom apartment in Stratford and into the calmer countryside.
“Rose would say things like ‘I’m going to move in with my dad’. She was very against it, and it took two years to convince her. I did it gently, gently… She didn’t want to leave her friends.”
Creffield found it helpful to talk with Rose about what their new life would be. “Because I’m a single parent, you communicate more [with your kids] than if you were in a couple. We spoke about the vision, our new life and how it wouldn’t be so chaotic, and we’d make new friends… If you don’t talk to kids, they’re not prepared.” She also used a bit of bribery. “I told her we’d get a dog (we haven’t yet as she reminds me), an ensuite bathroom, but mainly I told her she could decorate her bedroom and get all-new furniture.”
Despite the “emotional challenge”, in 2022 the pair moved to a barn conversion in a village called
Stocking Pelham in Hertfordshire, 20 minutes from Bishop’s Stortford. “It was a massive culture shock for both of us. She’s mixed race and is the only black kid in the village but she’s thrived here.”
Even a move within London can seem massive for a child. Sabah Hadi, 42, a parent academic coach, struggled with her son, Ali, then nine, when the family moved from Tooting to Stanmore after her oldest son, Abdullah, got a place at a prestigious secondary school. “Before the move, Ali would say to me, ‘All is good for Abdullah — he’d have to go to a new school anyway but I’m leaving my friends and everything I know.’”
After the move, it hit him even more. “I realised that for some kids, familiarity is important. Psychologically, it was a lot to deal with,” she says. “He’d say, ‘When I grow up, I’m going to move back to Tooting.’” Hadi and her husband dealt with this by giving Ali lots of one-to-one time. “It was important to validate his feelings as there is a chance that he could have internalised them. He loves pizza so there was lots of pizza buying.”
Hadi says it took Ali about a year to settle but now he’s pleased they made the move. She can also see why children in the capital exert more influence than children nationally. “London children have more exposure and express themselves more. London is so cosmopolitan and fast moving and they see so much so they are more streetwise.”
It was a massive culture shock for us. My daughter is the only black kid in the village but she’s thrived here