A SCIENTIST’S GUIDE TO LIFE
Dreading a visit from the in-laws from hell this Christmas? Don’t worry, psychologist Linda Blair is here to help you have a stress-free festive period.
IT’S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR… BUT LET’S BE HONEST, IT CAN ALSO BE QUITE STRESSFUL. THIS MONTH, CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST LINDA BLAIR GIVES US HER TOP TIPS ON HOW TO SURVIVE CHRISTMAS
DON’T START PLAYING THE CHRISTMAS MUSIC TOO EARLY.
Research suggests that when you hear a song for the first time, it’s more challenging than enjoyable because your brain has to figure it out. After a time, you come to love it because you know it, but then if you hear it too often, the song becomes irritating. That’s what happens with Christmas music. It can become really draining.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY.
I once had a call from a patient who was panicked when a relative showed up for Christmas with a new, unannounced partner. Tell your hosts, ‘I will arrive at this time on this day, and I will be bringing my vegan girlfriend, Claire, with me.’ Similarly, if you’re the host, say, ‘we’ll do presents at 11am, lunch at 1pm and I’ll order taxis for 4pm.’ This will help to minimise stress and create a useful agenda. It’ll also help to deploy guests who are likely to overstay their welcome!
MAKE SOME SPACE.
Experiments show that when mammals are crowded, they become aggressive. We’re no different, so perhaps your relatives can stay in a local B&B. If they stay with you, make sure everyone has some private space, however modest.
Suggest that everyone takes a little daily exercise, preferably outdoors. It’s a good way to boost levels of feel-good endorphins.
DON’T BE A MARTYR.
People will feel guilty if the host takes on all the jobs, and then makes clear that they are exhausted. As people arrive, have them pick a job out of a hat. Someone sets the table. Someone else washes up… then everyone knows what is expected of them.
CHRISTMAS DOESN’T COME AT A GOOD TIME.
Why do we have Christmas when we do?! There’s little daylight to trigger endorphins and we’re worn out from parties, finishing projects for work, and getting things ready. When you’re tired, you tend to act emotionally rather than logically, which can lead to confrontations. Make sure you prioritise a good night’s sleep.
ACCEPT THE WAY THAT PEOPLE ARE.
Dealing with a racist relative? Brushing off criticisms about lumpy gravy? Don’t expect people to change their opinions or behave in ways you want them to. What they say is what they say. It’s your choice whether to get annoyed. There’s also immense power in silence. Let them talk while you listen. Eventually they’ll trip themselves up, and if you start getting annoyed, breathe in slowly through the nose and then out through the mouth 10 times.
PERFECTION IS OVERRATED.
When you ask people to think of their best Christmas, they often remember the ones that went wrong… when the oven broke so they had to have peanut butter sandwiches, or when snow blocked the roads and everyone went sledging. We don’t remember perfection. We do remember exceptions, so don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Just enjoy whatever happens – and remember, laughter is contagious!
LINDA BLAIR
Linda is an associate fellow of the British Psychological Society. Her soothing book, The Key To Calm (£16.99, Yellow Kite), is available now.