SEX, THE SUPERNATURAL AND THE GREAT BRITISH PUBLIC
More obscure objects of desire from our bulging sex files
Ralph Bishop, 53, was found by police with his trousers around his ankles “interfering” with a tractor parked in a field outside Saxmundham in Suffolk. He was arrested on suspicion of outraging public decency, and admitted to having had sex with around 450 tractors all over the Suffolk countryside. When officers searched his terraced home they found a collection of more than 5,000 tractor images on his laptop. The photos showed Bishop had a special desire for John Deere and Massey Ferguson tractors, particularly green ones. Alas, this story by “Hugh Dunnett” in the Suffolk Gazette (20 Oct 2015) was too good to be true – literally. It’s a satirical news site. D.Star, 21 Oct 2015. However, vehicles are sometimes objects of lust, as chronicled in these pages: a 20-year-old was erotically obsessed with his Austin Metro [ FT73:14], and Edward Smith of Washington allegedly had sex with 700 cars [ FT240:22, 331:10].
Jackie Walker, 66, and her 15-year-old granddaughter, looking out of a bedroom window at 1:30am one night in late November, witnessed a naked man sitting under a street lamp and trying to have sex with the tow bar of a camper van. He lowered himself onto the metal tow ball of the vehicle on a busy residential street in Newquay, Cornwall. Mrs Walker called the police, who let the man off with a formal warning, as it was his first offence. Plymouth Herald (online), 4 Dec 2015.
An unidentified man was caught on CCTV on 10 May 2015, copulating with a Porsche somewhere in Thailand. After trying to go doggy style in the tailpipe he backs off, clutching his groin – maybe he burned his goolies on the hot tailpipe. He then moves to the front, sticks his rod in the grill of the hot rod, and starts working it. It must have been awhile since he satisfied his auto-erotic needs, as he comes pretty quickly. Finally, in postcoital afterglow, he returns to the back to lie down and cuddle the car. Coconuts Bangkok, 11 May 2015.
A sex pest addicted to guzzling petrol was freed from jail and went straight to a garage for a gallon of unleaded. Robert Stephens, 23, from Oxford, was nicked on the forecourt after defying an ASBO banning him. He previously got six months after being lewd to schoolgirls. Sun, 13 May 2015.
Christopher Johnson, 46, was caught simulating sex with a playground slide in Stoke Green Park, Coventry, at 10.45pm on 18 August. Magistrates heard the parking attendant had a previous conviction for a similar offence in July 2014, when he undressed and performed a sex act on top of a slide in a different park in the city. He was banned for three years from any location with a slide. He was also fined and will undergo an 18-month sex offender treatment programme. “It’s always been a fetish of mine,” he told the Sun. “I wanted to feel the metal, lie on it and get turned on. I made the mistake of taking it into the public. The Devil got the better of me – I had eight or nine drinks.” (London) Eve. Standard (online), 22 Sept; Sun, 22+23 Sept 2015.
A 33-year-old man was walking down a road in Kwazakhele township in Port Elizabeth, South Africa, on 5 May 2015 when a black BMW stopped and three women in their 30s asked him for directions. As he was telling them which way to go, one of them pulled out a gun and forced him to get in the car. They drove about 300 miles (480km), fondling him in the back seat,
but unsurprisingly he was not turned on. Mncedi Mbombo, a police spokesman, said: “They parked and fondled him. They gave him something to drink before they raped him – liquid from a bottle. This got him aroused quickly though he was still scared and didn’t want to have sex.” The women allegedly each had their way with him then put his semen into plastic bags, which they placed in a cool box before they let him out of the car and sped off. When he complained to the police, the officers on duty mocked him. An investigation into the alleged rape was opened, but the man could not remember the car’s number plate. “This is really confusing to us because we have never heard of such a thing before,” said Mncedi Mbombo. The Gang of Fort, however, recalls an identical assault in (if memory serves) Zimbabwe – but the report currently eludes us. Times, Independent, Sun, 8 May 2015.
In September, South African police arrested a 58-year-old Dane, subsequently named as Peter Frederikson, after finding 21 pieces of women’s genitalia stored in plastic bags in a freezer at his house in Bloemfontein, where he owns a gun shop. Police also discovered anæsthetic and surgical implements. One of his victims alerted the police, who have appealed for others to come forward. At the time of the report, it was not known if the body parts were from 21 different women, how the man committed the ‘assaults’, or if the women were dead or alive. According to an interview last summer, Frederikson said his interest in circumcision started 20 years ago when he met the notorious ‘penis doctor’ Jørn Ege. Frederikson has apparently been on the run from the Danish police for several years. He fled the country after he was sentenced to six months in prison in 2010 for illegal weapons possession. [AP] 19 Sept; cphpost. dk, 21 Sept 2015.
In July 2015, hundreds of phallic sex toys were found hanging from power lines across Portland, Oregon. Well, it makes a change from trainers. The large white and bright orange dildos appeared to have been strung together in pairs. A spokesman for public utility Portland General Electric said he did not believe the rubber products posed a fire hazard. “You could spot them in several intersections and you could see all sorts of reactions to them,” said Lucila Cejas Epple. “Some would blush, others would laugh, and most would take photos.” [R] 13 July 2015.
“Finland is the last bastion of bestiality, where a person can legally have sex with an animal, as long as the animal is not harmed,” said Minna Ruotsalo of the Ministry of Agriculture, talking to reporters in Helsinki. “Finland legalised bestiality in 1971 because it was thought that criminalising the act was not the right way to deal with people who might suffer from mental illness, or who are simply lonely. It was also permitted in Denmark until this year, but Denmark did not want to be the last Nordic country to allow bestiality, and there was a suspicion that animal brothels were operating, so they have now criminalised it. In Finland we want to promote legislation founded on respect for the intrinsic value of an animal, but a person can engage in sexual intercourse with an animal as long as it cannot be proved that the animal has been treated too roughly or cruelly.” Yle News (Finland), 14 July 2015.
There were 105 cases of the maltreatment of horses in Switzerland in 2014 – 10 per cent of which involved people having sex with them, an increase on previous years. There are an estimated 110,000 horses living on 18,000 Swiss farms. Experts estimate that 10,000 Swiss people (gender unspecified) are “predisposed” to zoophilia. The number of unreported horse abuse cases is probably much higher than reported, given that so many people in the country are involved with equestrian activities. New York Post (online), 27 Nov 2015.
A man who flew across the US to have sex with a miniature horse was arrested after being caught in a sting. Michael Crawford (no, not that one) allegedly organised the rendezvous online with a sheriff’s deputy posing as the horse’s owner. The deputy picked up Crawford, 68, at Phoenix airport, took him to see two horses and then arrested him on bestiality charges. (Sydney) D.Telegraph, 7 July 2015.