CORONAVIRUS CORNER
Another round-up of the strangest news stories from around our Covid-19-ravaged planet
GUARDIAN ANGELS
In his pastoral letter addressing church closures during the coronavirus pandemic, Cardinal Vincent Nichols, Archbishop of Westminster and spokesman for the Roman Catholic church in England and Wales, has suggested people ask for the intercession of a guardian angel; while human beings cannot currently enter churches for Holy Communion, they may ask an angel to act on their behalf, since locked doors present no barrier to them. He quoted a prayer beginning:
“Dear Guardian Angel, go for me to the church, there kneel down at Mass for me... During Holy Communion, bring to me the Body and Blood of Jesus uniting Him with me in spirit, so that my heart may become His dwelling place… When the Mass ends, bring home to me and to every home, the Lord’s blessing”.
Although sometimes thought of as a Victorian invention, the idea of guardian angels has enjoyed great longevity; in the New Testament, Jesus says: “Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven” (Matthew 18:10). St Jerome, the Bible translator, commenting on this verse, wrote that “the dignity of a soul is so great, that each has a guardian angel from its birth.” An 11th century prayer by Benedictine monk Reginald of Canterbury begins: “Angele, qui meus es custos pietate superna…” (“Angel, who is my dear guardian in Heaven”) And Lady Lucy Herbart (1669-1744), who lived as a nun for 50 years, suggested in her Devotions that people spend one day a month in conscious company with their guardian angel, “your father and best of friends”. D.Telegraph, 4 Apr 2020.
CONSPIRACY CARDINALS
Several high-ranking Catholic clergy have signed a letter claiming that the coronavirus pandemic is being exploited to restrict human rights “disproportionately and unjustifiably”, and that the risk of contagion has been overstated by authorities. The letter, whose signatories include the German Cardinal Gerhard Ludwig Müller, Italy’s Archbishop Carlo Maria Viganò and the former bishop of Hong Kong, Cardinal Joseph Zen Ze-kiun, strongly criticises the lockdowns imposed by governments around the world. “We have reason to believe,” the letter said, “that there are powers interested in creating panic among the world’s population with the sole aim of permanently imposing unacceptable forms of restriction on freedoms, of controlling people and of tracking their movements. The imposition of these illiberal measures is a disturbing prelude to the realisation of a World Government beyond all control.” It also warned that “centuries of Christian civilisation” could be erased and replaced by an “odious technological tyranny.”
Germany’s Catholic bishops were swift to dissociate themselves from the letter. “The German Bishops’ Conference’s assessment of the coronavirus pandemic is fundamentally different to the appeal published yesterday,” a statement read. Other German Catholic clergymen were harsher in their criticism. Klaus Pfeffer. vicar general of the city of Essen, said he was “simply speechless at what was being published there in the name of the Church and Christianity: crude conspiracy theories without facts or evidence, combined with aggressive right-wing populist rhetoric that sounds alarming.”
Archbishop Viganò and Cardinal Müller have both criticised Pope Francis, and the former has alleged that Vatican officials ignored warnings about disgraced former cardinal Theodore McCarrick’s sexual abuse. catholicherald.co.uk, 8 May, dw.com, 10 May 2020.
CHEATING GHOST LOVER
A New Jersey man who claims to have had a ghost girlfriend for two years says the coronavirus lockdown has damaged their relationship. Gary De Noia, 36, told a newspaper that relations with his incorporeal partner Lisa were initially fine. “At first, we spent every day together for a month. Jersey City was an
epicentre early on during this, especially where we live,” he explained. “I’m by nature a very anxious person. On top of not being able to see my family or nieces, I was feeling very afraid. I’m usually the strong one in the relationship but I was just too overwhelmed to hold it together. In that month, Lisa was my rock. She’d help me cook and fold laundry. Watch loads of TV. And obviously have sex. All the time. It was fun, but exhausting. I’m not in great shape, so it was hard to keep up.”
But the unemployed American now fears his spectral lover is cheating on him. “This past month she’s out all the time. Never tells me where she’s going. Just says she’s going ‘out with friends’. She could be anywhere with anyone. And I’ve always felt secure in our relationship, but lately we haven’t been having much sex. I’m worried that she’s cheating on me. She says I’m being paranoid. I mean, I’m not crazy, am I?”
Gary said he feels unable to talk to his family about his relationship troubles, as they are currently too concerned about the pandemic. “Growing up in Italian-American culture, I was raised not to burden people with my problems. It’s possible this is all in my mind and I’m overthinking it. Isolation is taking its toll.” dailystar.co.uk, 9 May 2020.
CANINE COVID SQUAD
Sniffer dogs will be taught to detect asymptomatic coronavirus infection in a government-backed initiative. The London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine (LSHTM) is to begin training three cocker spaniels, two labradors and a labradoodle, using samples obtained from patients who tested positive. It is already known that dogs’ highlysensitive olfactory senses allow them to detect a range of illnesses in humans; UK-based charity Medical Detection Dogs has already trained canines to sniff out cancer, Parkinson’s and bacterial infections (see FT 339:22-23, 393:8-9).
Respiratory problems, a common coronavirus symptom, are known to cause subtle changes in the body’s aroma, and research indicates dogs can be trained to recognise the odour of disease even when present in only minute quantities – the equivalent dilution of one teaspoon of sugar in two Olympic-sized swimming pools. If the training programme is successful, dogs could be deployed at entrances to pubs or restaurants, or could be walked through care homes identifying people who should be segregated and tested. D.Telegraph, 23 Apr, 16 May 2020.
MASTURBATE FOR HEALTH
A doctor has suggested that self-isolating individuals pleasure themselves during their enforced stay indoors, as masturbation is known to boost the immune system. Dr Jennifer Landam, a specialist in hormone therapy, said that selflove also helps raise white blood cell counts. A study conducted by the Department of Medical Psychology at Germany’s Essen University Clinic supported her claims, and additionally, orgasms are known to aid relaxation and sleep – and sleep allows the body to repair and recover. thescottishsun. co.uk, 18 Mar 2020.
BREAST IS BEST
Hoping to prevent infection, or to boost their chances of survival if they fall sick with the coronavirus, some people have turned to various unorthodox remedies. People are drinking fish tank cleaner (see FT394:7), bleach and colloidal silver, but perhaps the oddest recent trend in the USA is breast milk, drunk by adults in hopes of boosting their immunity.
Online breast milk vendors are an established market in the US. Websites feature selfdescribed ‘overproducers’, who market their milk to mothers who underproduce or to single fathers or gay men who can’t produce their own milk. Breast milk is classified as food, so can be sold without the regulations that otherwise apply to bodily fluids. Sellers report earnings of up to £16,000 a year, with their milk fetching up to £2.40 an ounce.
Even before coronavirus, adults were drinking breast milk for its known benefits to infants’ immune systems. Exposure to certain viruses makes mothers produce antibodies that pass into their milk. Complex sugars called oligosaccharides in human milk also help ward off harmful gut bacteria. Previous customers have included people with chronic autoimmune disorders; other customers have included fetishists and body builders. Now, sellers are reporting increased sales, and requests for breast milk from donors who have recovered from coronavirus, because of its assumed antibodies. Although discouraged by health experts, the principle behind it is being studied by at least two prominent universities.
“It’s an interesting idea,” said Lars Bode, chair of Collaborative Human Milk Research at the University of California, San Diego. “Maybe not the right thing to do for multiple different reasons.” But it is “not too far-fetched,” he says, that human milk could contain coronavirus-fighting properties. His lab is seeking to ascertain whether the virus can be spread through breast milk, and will test whether the milk contains antibodies or oligosaccharides capable of warding off the virus, and whether those oligosaccharides can be synthetically produced at a larger scale. Researchers at New York’s Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai are also running a study into whether breast milk contains coronavirus antibodies. thedailybeast.com, 14 Apr 2020.
“She says I’m being paranoid. I mean, I’m not crazy, am I?”