Down on Jollity Farm
PETER BROOKESMITH surveys the latest fads and flaps from the world of ufological research
A TREE FULL OF PARROTS
I have long remarked that ufology tells you more about ufologists than it does about UFOs – whatever they may be – and reports of the last several weeks tend to bear out the observation. One thing ufologists can be depended upon to do is repeat one another, not always altogether reliably: hence, they resemble parrots rather more than mynah birds, who are very precise and not recommended for inclusion in the households of errant husbands, fractious wives or stroppy teenagers, lest they alarm one’s dinner guests with intimate and outspoken details.
So one may expect, over the years to come, some garbled version of the ‘fact’ that the late Phil Klass, arch-scourge of ufologists, was “as queer as an Irish three-pound note”. According to Richard Dolan and Kathleen Marden, Klass had an ‘inappropriate’ relationship with a Russian spy of the male persuasion, and the Russian gent used this liaison to blackmail Klass into spreading ‘UFO disinformation’ – i.e. debunking. This suggests that the Russians knew, or know, something about UFOs that the rest of us don’t, which would be hard to substantiate. Unfortunately, neither Dolan nor Marden has shown themselves that strong on substantive evidence yet.
Besides which, there is personal observation to take into account. Robert Sheaffer reports that he once asked Klass why he had never married. The response was along the lines of “I didn’t want to limit myself to one woman”; which seems fair enough. He did, in fact, eventually marry, at the tender age of 60. Sheaffer also reports that Klass lost no time in chatting up attractive ladies at social gatherings. I can personally report that, as I ambled with them across Russell Square, he and Jim Moseley kept up a constant stream of commentary on the young females who came within their purview. Even I was a trifle startled at their somewhat antiquated, not to say somewhat chauvinist, outlook. Not that I didn’t appreciate the lineaments of the targets of their lubricious gaze: I just would have preferred to mine their encyclopædic knowledge of ufology and compare responses.
Anyway, who cares whether Klass was gay or not? Some folks talked, and some folks whispered, but ‘everyone knew’ that James Randi was gay long before he admitted as much – but did anyone care? The truly daft part of the Dolan-Marden wheeze – apart from Klass’s supposed gaiety – is that the Russians would have thought UFOs more important than trying to winkle military secrets out of him (and Klass was probably hoping to do the same with his Soviet counterpart). Klass had his finger in all sorts of classified pies (one reason why Aviation Week, where he was a senior editor, was dubbed Aviation Leak). Of course, he’d have a nice lunch or two with a Russian diplomat. Who in his position would not? He told the FBI that’s what he was doing and (shock, horror) they didn’t mind. Now consider the time frame. Klass announced his $10,000 prize for proving an extraterrestrial presence on Earth in 1966. Let’s assume this is when the Reds gnashed on to him, though we note in passing that Klass never had much to say about what they had to say about UFOs – perhaps because they had nothing to say. In round terms, the Soviet Union collapsed in 1990. Soviet spies may stay on station for a long time for all I know, but a quarter of a century of enforced silence, while all about him over the period public attitudes and general tolerance – not to say indifference – to homosexuality were changing all the time for the more enlightened: does blackmail seem terribly likely?
It is an unfortunate truth that Klass was not always the nicest of guys and from time to time played not-quite-clean tricks on what he facetiously termed his “political enemies”, notably Dr James Macdonald and Stanton Friedman. That doesn’t make him a Soviet disinformation agent. Still less does it make him gay. Dolan and Marden’s loopy hypothesis looks for all the world like an anachronistic attempt to smear him. That sadly doesn’t mean their outdated bit of mud won’t stick.
GAYS FROM THE STARS?
From an allegedly gay ufologist to a dearth of gay aliens. This question, or curiosity, was raised by Rich Reynolds on UFO UpDates. As well from having an interest in UFOs, it turns out he’s a Freudian psychoanalyst, so could be said to have a professional interest in the matter. He enquires: “Has there ever been any overt sexual activity noted by witnesses of debarked UFO beings or during a supposed ‘abduction’? … Also, no one has indicated an alien smear of homosexuality; that is, I recall no testimony from experiencers or observers that hinted at gay bonding among extraterrestrial beings. One would expect that an authentic observation of beings from elsewhere would show, at least once or twice, sexual impulses if any, unless human (and flora/fauna) sexuality is unique to this planet, just as culture and behavioural patterns are.”
While granting that reports of aliens bonking are rarer than the proverbial hen’s teeth, there is hardly a shortage of accounts of aliens engaging in all manner of rumpy-pumpy with their human captives. Some people have taken pleasure in these encounters, and many have not (see my “Fifty Shades of Gray”, FT296:30-37) So there’s no doubt that ‘aliens’ are interested in human sexuality. That doesn’t mean they’re not interested in their own: they may have what we’d call a Victorian sense of modesty. Can you imagine Mr Gladstone, or even the flamboyant Disraeli, putting on such an exhibition? I think not.
BEWARE THE PYRAMIDS
Ozzy Osbourne has come up with a new one re: UFOs. Despite more than seven decades of people consistently reporting disc-shaped things in the sky – interspersed with the rarer flying triangles – he has asked this on YouTube: “What if they built a replica of what the ship looked like out of stone? So they wanted to train everybody about the fucking pyramids. It could be.” Well, you can’t prove it ain’t.