THE REVEREND’S REVIEW
FT’s resident man of the cloth REVEREND PETER LAWS dons his dog collar and faces the flicks that Church forgot!
When people hear I’m ordained, they often assume I grew up in the church. Wrong! I found churches (and Christians) kind of scary. Especially when they smiled during hymns or passed a cup to guzzle Jesus’s blood. The creepiest, though, was when congregations stood to intone liturgy as one; all those voices saying ‘Thanks be to God’ in unison evoked the same monotone I heard in horror movies, where weird cultists stood in a circle, chanting stuff to the Devil. It’s no surprise, then, to find a rich tradition of horror films set in ecclesiastical environments – which is the case for four horror releases this month.
City of the Living Dead (Cauldron Films) comes in hot with a priest hanging himself in a graveyard – an act so vile, we’re told, it opens the gates of Hell. I first saw this as a kid, and for weeks afterwards I was genuinely worried that my local vicar would commit suicide. A journalist and a psychic (fresh from a premature burial, no less) rush to Dunwich to close the portal. They’re faced with maggot blizzards, slimy, teleporting zombies, and an amazing sequence where a woman vomits up all of her internal organs. The superb score by Fabio Frizzi pulses over wince-worthy brutality and gorgeous shots of gothic beauty. It’s my favourite Lucio Fulci movie, with moments of serious creepiness – watch out for the slow zoom into a handprint… on a funeral home carpet.
The priest in Lord of Misrule (Signature Entertainment) doesn’t kill herself at the start, but she’s got good reason to consider it 50 minutes in. Rev Rebecca Holland is the new vicar in an English village, and she tries to respect the traditional beliefs of the locals – until her daughter goes missing on the night of a pagan festival. With its locals in animal masks and a missing girl, it’s impossible to avoid Wicker Man comparisons. This isn’t in that league and feels more like an ITV drama. Yet the strong performances, handsome photography, and occasional twisted streak make this an enjoyable, diverting folk horror.
The clerical carnage continues with fan favourite The Borderlands (Second Sight), out on a fancy new Blu-Ray with extra extras and a 70-page book. It’s one of the best foundfootage horrors around, in which Vatican investigators try to verify strange happenings in a rural Devon church. The funny script and believable cast lull you into a cruel sense of connection with the priests – so when the bad stuff starts, you’re as spooked, disturbed, and devastated as they are: a genuinely creepy movie.
Finally, we get Deliver
Us, (Prime Video) in which a cloistered Russian nun immaculately conceives twins – but what an awkward combo: one is the Messiah, the other the Antichrist! The Vatican sends Father Fox, so named because he looks like an erotic novel version of a foxy priest. The opening promises epic horror that never really comes, and despite its undeniable zeal, it’s all too serious and weirdly paced. If anyone else watches this, perhaps you could email me to tell me what it was about.
I found churches (and Christians) kind of scary