Cologne’s Hennes the Goat
As a jobbing plumber in Glasgow, Garry Whyte spends more time in toilets than most, so it’s a wee bit ironic that he’s now a local celeb for not using one.
The scene: a vital West of Scotland Super League clash against Shotts Bon Accord, 20 minutes left, and Shettleston Juniors’ number one suddenly needs to go for, er, a number one.
“I said to one of the linesmen, ‘I need the toilet!’ and he totally blanked me,” Whyte tells FFT. “Behind my goal is a wall. I went over that, raced into some grass and had a pee. Then the ref sends me off, saying, ‘I cannae believe you have just done that.’”
Shettleston did end up winning so their gaffer saw the funny side, as did everyone else. “I went out that night and everybody bought me drinks!” Whyte says, though that will hardly help. “At the next game, someone had kindly left me a big box of incontinence pads.”
Another linesman told Whyte he would have just booked him for the incident, and a yellow does sound more appropriate...
There’s no need for a man in an animal suit at Cologne because they went for the real thing: an actual goat. And Hennes may well be the most famous mascot in Germany. Sadly, each incarnation only has a lifespan of around 15 years so the Bundesliga club are now on their eighth goat, who’s brilliantly named Hennes VIII – although it is unknown whether he has had six nannies.
The latest goat followed 12-year veteran and TV celebrity Hennes VII, who sensationally quit due to arthritis in 2008. A successor was voted in during an official election, with Jimmy, Elvis and Rocky defeated in the fans’ poll – Rocky’s hopes were scuppered by an untimely email scandal, no doubt. And there was more controversy in 2015 when Cologne’s Anthony Ujah angered animal lovers as he celebrated a goal by grabbing Hennes by the horns (below).
FFT were keen to quiz Hennes about this incident but sadly he doesn’t speak English, and we’re yet to master goat speak. But official club information did amusingly reveal that, on non-matchdays, he likes spending time at the zoo – hanging out with friend Willi the Rabbit – and listening to the radio. A bit of Chris Moyles, presumably – he gets everyone’s goat.