LEAST GOODWILL FROM A GOODWILL AMBASSADOR

“Yes, it’s now official – I can finally fulfil one of the dreams of my life, to work for a clean and transparent FIFA, with people who love football,” Diego Maradona gleefully posted on his official Facebook page upon being confirmed as a Goodwill Ambassador by world football’s governing body in February. For all of his run-ins with the game’s authorities, he now had a chance to give something back.

“In recognition of his outstanding and unique contribution to football, FIFA is looking for the best way to collaborate with Diego Armando Maradona, to ensure he plays a major role in FIFA activities to promote the game across the globe, through his involvement in relevant development projects and FIFA’S Legends’ programme,” a FIFA spokesman soon added. All well and good, then. From here on in, it’s integrity all the way. Absolutely nothing that will besmirch the image of the beautiful game. Through sheer goodwill, Maradona, a changed man, is going to clean up this damned old town. Oh wait, what’s that noise?

“I didn’t hit you,” Diego snarled at a reporter just 24 hours later, following claims he had attacked said journalist. “If I’d hit you, you wouldn’t have a nose left. One-on-one, I’d destroy you.”

It was good while it lasted.